“Um, can we talk about this in the living room?” I asked, heading towards the couch. Liam followed.
We took a seat beside each other. He was awfully close, and considering how angry he was, I would have liked some space for when he goes a-wall. I didn’t know if he was pissed at who had done this to me, or that I go out for the first time and come back all beaten and bruised.
“Well, the reason my grandmother is in the mental hospital is because she has Alzheimer’s. Sometimes her mind makes up stories about me, and it leads her to get violent,” I said playing with my fingers, so I didn’t have to look Liam in the eyes.
“And ya didn’t tell me dis?!” he stood from the couch to hover over me. I tried to stand, so I felt less threatened, but he only pushed me back down onto the sofa.
“I visit her every day. It’s just part of it if I want to be in her life,” I tried to stay calm, but it was hard not to burst out in tears.
“How could ya be so fuckin’ stupid? You’re goin’ to a mental hospital to visit someone ya know is only gonna to beat the living shit out of ya every time for Christ’s sake! How in the hell does that make ya want to be in her life? You’re not even in ‘er life! She’s never gonna remember ya! You’ll always just be a burden to ‘er!” as he shouted, tears rapidly rolled down my cheeks.
He yelled more at me, but I couldn’t take it. My hands clasped over my ears, and I screamed to shut out all the noise. It wasn’t long till Liam ripped my hands off my ears. He didn’t even yell at me like I suspected. Instead he did much worse. His hand came in contact with my cheek. My head slung to the side while my cheek blared with pain.
Without thinking, I brought my knee up as hard as I could manage and nailed Liam in the crotch.
“Shit,” he hissed crippling to the floor.
I jumped off the coach, and he grabbed my ankle. It took a couple tries of me pulling my leg back before I was free from his grasp. I ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Liam could easily kick in the door, but the lock bought me more time than just leaving it closed.
My razor was fastened in my hand. The bottom of my shorts was hitched up. I touched the blades to my skin and slowly drug it wherever it craved it be felt. This is all my fucking fault! Why can’t I just admit that she doesn’t want me in her life, and she never will? She’s all I ever had to live for and now. Now I’m free to leave. She won’t even know I’m gone. No one will miss me. It’ll be like I was never here.
I looked down at my thigh. Blood lines put to spell “mistake” with stray cuts around it. That’s all I was, a mistake. Just because two people fall in love, doesn’t mean they should have children. I should have never happened. And now, I’m going to make it look as if I never did.
+++
It had been well over ten minutes, and Liam never barged in. I ran the water from the shower to wash away some of the blood. Suddenly an idea popped into my head. I kept the water running, so Liam thought I was still in the shower.
