I finished making dickface’s sandwich. I’m usually not quick to judge, but then again, I’ve never been held hostage in my own house. I could leave, right? There’s no way that asshole is going to keep me all cooped up. I’ll have to get work supplies soon, and I have to visit my grandmother.
My grandmother. It’s not just an emotional reason I visit Grandma Ann every day. Yes, she is the only family member I will go back too, but that isn’t the seldom purpose of my visit. I hope that if I see her more, she will learn to remember me. There’s part of me that doesn’t want her to remember, but most of me wants her to get better.
If Liam forces me to stay, and considering that last bullshit move he made, he will, it wouldn’t just hurt me. It would hurt her. Would it be better that way though? If I visited her less, maybe she’ll never remember me. Then, she’ll never get to remember our family’s past and the hell we’ve been through. It would also help me, slightly. Rarely is she ever nice to me.
Usually, she’ll yell at me. She refuses to believe she has a granddaughter. On and on, she’ll blab about a grandson she claims to have, Sam. I’ve tried to explain to her over and over again that I’m Sam. Then, she breaks into a violent fit. Screaming and cursing at me. Sometimes, she’ll even hit me. Of course, then she has to get put in a strait jacket for the rest of the week.
But it’s not the words she says that always hurt me. Yeah, most of the times her words make my skin crave for the feel of my blades. Other times, I can’t help but to look over her face. The same face that would light up when mum and dad brought me over for the holidays. The same face that made me soup when I felt ill and would let me call if I had nightmares. She’s never going to change back, but I can’t help but to hope.
I grabbed my cigarettes and lighters out of the far cabinet drawer. I was starting for the door when Liam grasped my wrist, “Where are you going?”
“To smoke.” Dumbfuck why else would I have cigarettes for? To build a snowman?
His chair squeaked across the floor as he got up, “I’ll join you.”
I really wanted to be alone, but I can see that wasn’t going to happen. He opened the back door that lead to my small porch. Naturally, I handed him a cigarette, which he accepted. After I light my cigarette, I handed Liam the lighter. Just as I was about to take my first intake of smoke, Liam said, “It’s not a metaphor?” He chuckled lightly to himself.
I guess he assumed I was some antisocial crude that doesn’t like John Green. Jokes on him, I fucking love John Green.
“No, I light mine,” I spat before inhaling it.
Augustus got to light his after he died, so I get too also. And I died a long time ago.
The nicotine worked fast. I could feel it starting to relax every muscle in my body. My eyes shut as I puffed out smoke and took another drag. Most people ask me if I know smoking is bad for you when I smoke in public, like while I’m waiting at the hospital or step outside the bookstore. It’s almost common sense these days with all the commercials that they give you lung cancer, so no shit their bad for your body. I just smile and nod. If I’m not going to kill myself anytime soon, might as well shorten the amount of days I have to suffer.
I turned my head and glanced over to Liam. The smoke surrounded him giving him a mystery look. I had to admit it, Liam was gorgeous, but he’s still a douche. At the moment though, I didn’t care. My eyes didn’t leave his body. I took in every inch of him, even taking him in a second time, before he caught me.
His lips rose into a smirk, and my cheeks blushed into a deep red.
“You’ve never lived till you’ve smoke weed,” he grimaced.
I shook my head, “I’d never be able to get my hands on that stuff.”
There were gangs in London. Well, there are gangs everywhere, and in those gangs, are drug dealers. I didn’t exactly know the names and all, but I knew they were trouble. They all are. I’ve watched movies before with gangs in them. In most of them, they won’t hesitate to rape girls or kill them. I don’t exactly want to be killed by some dick with a gun, but I sure as hell didn’t want to get raped.
“You don’t have too. I can get it in minutes,” he paused, taking in the obvious admiration on my face,” Maybe next time.”
