Finding Hope; JH

Insecure

A/N : its literally been 2 fucking months since i updated this. I apologize 😔 honestly ? I dont even know what happened. I dont have a valid excuse. But heres a pretty long chapter for y'all since it took so long.
Word count: 1,648
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Y/N P.O.V.

The days I spent with Hoseok turned to weeks. We were closer than anything. We sat and worked together during lectures, we went out nearly every day. We never got tired of eachother, his smile is always bright and his charm is as smooth and alluring as the first time he took me to a restaurant. I cant get enough of him.

I havent answered his question yet though. I feel really bad but he doesnt seem to be pushing for the answer too much. Hes been very patient and very kind. In the time we've spent together, I can feel a connection with him that I've never experienced with another person. When we're together he never lets me feel sad or anxious, its like hes always there holding my hand. Not gonna lie, i enjoy it so much but at times I feel like its unfair for him to take on that responsibility.

Even now, laying in my bed at 10:32PM even though its thursday night, a school night, thoughts of him just run through my head. The way he smiles, the way he laughs, the way he comforts me. But soon, my mind takes a turn and i find myself awknowledging and admiring the way hes so protective over me, the way his eyes flicker with lust for a split second every now and then, the way he licks his lips. I frantically shake the thoughts and throw my hands over my steaming face. Im in the middle of mentally scolding myself when my phone dings. I flop over and swipe my phone from my side table.

From: 💕🔒Hoseok🔒💕

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(See more)
💕🔒Hoseok🔒💕:
"Hey, you
awake?"

Me:
"Yeah, what's up?"

💕🔒Hoseok🔒💕:
"Nthn much. Just wanted
to know if you maybe
want to go to the beach
with me this weekend?"

Me:
"OHMAHFNGAHD. YUH. ITS
BEEN SO LONG SINCE IVE BEEN
TO THE BEACH. WTF???"

💕🔒Hoseok🔒💕:
"SAMESAME. OK.
BE PACKED AND READY TO GO TMR
NIGHT"
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I had a grin smeared across my half awake face as i tossed my phone back onto the side table and i rolled back over. I pulled the covers up to the side of my head and burried my face into the pillow. The butterflies scurry awake as I'm trying to fall asleep. He comes over every morning to give me a ride to University. I'm so overly excited? I feel like a child the day before their birthday. I feel my body grow heavier as my muscles relax, the butterflies in my stomach ease and I drift off into sleep.

The early morning sun shimmers through my bedroom window and causes me to squeeze my eyes tight. I roll over and open my eyes slowly to adjust to the light. I'm awake 7 minutes before my alarm. I sigh loudly at the disatisfaction and throw my blankets back. The cold morning air burns my thighs as I sit up and stretch my back. I look down at my hands and flip them over, staring at the backs of them. The now healed wounds bearing small marks of my clumsiness. I glance to my phone and the butterflies re-awaken as i remember my plans with hoseok. I hop off my bed and scurry across the cold wooden floor in my fuzzy socks.

I pull open a drawer and find a nice pair of ripped blue jeans, quickly pulling my black shorts down i pull the jeans over my legs and zip them up. Opening the door just above it I pull out a light pink brawlette and throw my white tank top off, quickly putting the soft material over myself. I walk over to my closet and shuffle through shirts until my hand stops on a thin black lace, over the shoulder long sleeve shirt. I pull it out and put the clean shirt over my head and it sits perfectly on my frame, accentuating my breasts and waist. Slightly feeling insecure I look in the mirror and poke at the chub on my thighs and sides. My eyes grow droopy as I feel like I lose my appetite for the next few weeks. I turn to the side and suck in, seeing what i could look like makes me smile.

I run a hand over my body and feel disgusted. I suddenly lose all the confidence I thought i had and shuffle through my closet again, grabbing a large white hoodie throw it over my head. Covering my insecurities. I sit at my vanity and poke at my face a little before putting on my make up.

After about 10 minutes i finish beating my face and walk over to my bed. I stare down at my bag leaning against the wall and sigh. "Shit" I whisper under my breath, running a hand through my hair. I glance over and see its now 7:23 AM and swipe my phone off the side table. I sit there and fidget with my phone in my hands, not really in the mood to do anything. My phone suddenly vibrates and I turn it on revealing a message from Hoseok saying "Im here."

I suddenly feel a little better and I stand up, sliding my phone into my back pocket and picking up my bag. I walk past my kitchen and glance into it before scoffing and walking out the door.

As i wait for the elevator to reach the bottom floor, i see my reflection in the steel door. I run my hands over my frame one last time, feeling every insecurity. I feel myself shrivel and look away from my reflection. The doors finally peel open and I step out, keeping my eyes down. My mind races as i walk out to Hoseoks car, feeling lost in my head. I suddenly bump into someone, and stumble back a little only to feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist and pull me back.

"Y/N?" Hoseok says. "Are you alright?" I slowly look up at him but feel myself grow uncomfortable at the lack of space between us. I nod and smile softly as I gently press his arms away. He looks at me for a second with his brows furrowed, before he smiles big and comes up next to me, throwing his arm over my shoulder dramatically and guiding me to his car. "So. You miss me?" He asks slyly as he glances at me out of the corner of his eye. I look at him and feel like yelling. The butterflies are beating their wings against my ribcage. My heart is in my throat and I feel genuine happiness as I smile back at him. Snaking my hand around his waist, i feel him startle a little.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I joke back as I lean into him. "Oh? Kn-know? Know what? What di-did you. Uhm. You missed me?" He sputters out as his cheeks grow rosey. I chuckle. "You're such a pervert." I chuckle as he drops his arm from my shoulder and walks ahead of me, pulling the passenger side door open for me. "Pervert!? Im hurt." He jokingly places his free hand over his heart. I chuckle as i sit in the passenger seat, him closing the door after me. I watch him as he walks around the car to his side, opening the door and plopping down into his seat, closing the door again.

He looks over to me and flashes me his beautiful smile and I feel my face heat up as I look away from him, hiding the rosey tint growing over my cheeks. I hear him chuckle lowly as his hand lands firmly on my thigh. "Ahhhh. What's the matter." He says lowly, the seat creaking as he leans closer. I feel his grip tighten slightly as his other hand turns my face to meet his. "Dont hide from me." He huffs out, his face so close to my mine I feel his breath. His thumb lightly caresses my cheek as his warm fingers rest on my neck. Our eyes are locked and I feel like im lost in the maze of his emotions. The lust, happiness, greed, love. His brown eyes told me more than he has, himself. I feel my breath hitch and its like his gaze twitches as smile spreads across his face as he releases me.

He faces forward and chuckles, shaking his head as he pulls the seatbelt across his chest and buckles it. He puts the key in the ignition and pulls onto the street, down our usual route to the campus. I throw my head back onto the head rest and let out a sigh. He glances over. "You're too cute when your flustered." He chuckles. I look over to him and see his jaw clenched as he swallows hard. His chest heaving gently. I chuckle and look back at the street. "You're cuter, you big ass tease." I scoff and sink into my seat, crossing my arms playfully.

We stop at a red light and I hear his breath hitch ever so softly. "Tease, huh?" He chuckles then mumbles under his breath. "What?" I chuckle as I look over at him. "Oh-uh pffft. Nothing." He stammers as he pulls into the parkinglot of our University and parks in an open space. He turns towards me and smiles. "You ready?" He asks as he reaches behind me and pulls his bag into his lap. "Yup." I respond as i push the door open and step out. He gets out right after me and jogs up next to me and we walk to the main building together.