Another Moment Passing by...

Chapter 16: A Drop In The Ocean.

“Thank you,” I whispered, smiling wobbly up at her tearstained yet still beautiful face.

“Anytime,” she responded lovingly with a warm smile. It quickly dissipated, and I feared what she was going to say next. “Haley, why didn’t you tell anyone?” she asked sadly, her voice cracking. I couldn’t take the tone in her voice.

“This is why,” I replied softly, my lip beginning to tremble, “the disappointment in your voice. I promised Niall and Louis that I would never do this to myself again,” I explained. I tore my eyes away from her blue eyes, unable to take it. She pulled me back to her body as the sobs returned. I didn’t want to be like this, so weak and pathetic. I guess I just had to accept that that’s who I am.

“I’m not disappointed in you,” Michelle explained gently, rubbing my back. “I’m disappointed in society for sinking this low, and it pains me to think of how alone you must be feeling. I know because I’ve felt as low as you’re feeling right now,” she empathized, actually succeeding to make me feel slightly better. She kissed the top of my head as my sobs began to subside. “Come on, let’s go down stairs and see everyone who loves you,” she mused, helping me up as she got to her feet. I smiled at her and the thought of all my friends, but my stomach churned at the idea of facing them whilst wallowing in my guilt. “Don’t worry,” she encouraged, taking my hand. I smiled slightly again, letting her lead me. But as we passed the mirror, we chuckled breathily at our horrible appearances and decided to fix ourselves up. It didn’t take too long, since both of us had pretty much mastered the art of masking the fact that we had just been crying. Once decent, we headed downstairs, hand in hand. I was unexplainably grateful for the support she was providing me with. Had we not had that talk, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to feel any better. I’m not very good at saving myself.

We passed through the living room where Julia and Louis were snuggling. He greeted me with a bright smile, but I just looked down. I don’t deserve that smile. I instantly regretted not smiling back, not only because I love Lou and his smile made me want to smile, but because looking away was probably a major give away that something was wrong. I pushed that though aside as we entered the kitchen where Zayn, Niall, Megan, Jesse, Harry, Liam, and Sydney were all socializing. Michelle slipped my hand out of hers, making me inwardly panic a bit. I felt like a piece of my strength had just been ripped away from me. She greeted everyone brightly as nothing was wrong. Harry smiled at me and I returned it weakly. It just felt so wrong, smiling when I wanted to cry. Not that I wasn’t used to it. “Are you feeling better, love?” I jumped at the Irish accent that rang in my ears and clutched my chest, which my heart was pounding in. I gulped and turned toward him, shrugging a bit as I refused to look into his loving blue orbs.They shouldn’t be so loving. I turned to Michelle, silently pleading for her to help me. But she just smiled at me supportively and went on joking around with Zayn. It reminded me that she broke her promise to Zayn, but he forgave her. That gave me hope.

“Someone’s jumpy,” Harry commented when I jumped as he slung his arm around me. I stuck my tongue out at him playfully, but I was being whisked away before I could respond. I gasped yet again, really not in the mood to talk to people or be interacting with people, much less to be surprised by people. Louis threw me over his shoulder and I screeched as I clung to his shirt for my life, the first sound I had made since I got downstairs.

“Put me down!” I whimpered, clinging to his body instead of my usual thrashes. I had been trying to keep quiet and not make a scene, but Lou certainly wasn’t helping. He began casually strolling out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Shit, he knows, I concluded in defeat.

“Lou, she doesn’t feel well,” Niall warned. My heart broke knowing that that was what he was believing. I mean it was true, I felt like shit, but not in the way he was thinking.