Harry Potter One Shots

A Series of Unrelated Events

All rights belong to the author, kurotsuba

To the sixth-year James Potter, Potions was both his favorite and most despised class at Hogwarts. Favorite mostly because of his longtime crush—Lily Evans—seated at the table before him, and partly because getting on Professor Horace Slughorn's good side was a piece of cake, so long he could slip something of decent rarity into the Head of Slytherin's greedy hands. The bad? It was obviously none other than the slimy oddball at the other side of the classroom, huddled with the cronies from his own house.

Severus Snivellus Snape.

Not that he, the most brilliant student of his cohort, was bad at the subject. James had no complaints of being beaten by Lily the Potions Mistress, but he didn't like being in third place after Snape—an insult to James' intelligence and skills!

His best friend and number one partner-in-crime, Sirius Black, didn't even need Legilimency to read James' mind. "So, Snivelly beat you again in last week's quiz," said Sirius in a low voice, leaning closer to peek at the grade on James' paper. "I already gave up keeping track of your losing record since the OWLs."

James rolled his eyes. "Oh, please. You're just jealous that I'm ranked above you."

"I just find it amusing how much you've changed all because of a girl," Sirius snorted, eyeing pointedly at Lily who was sitting in front of his friend.

"...Shut up."

"Mr. Black," Slughorn's pompous voice boomed at the two Gryffindor boys, trying to get their attention back to today's lesson. "Would you be kind to tell the class the total approximate time required to brew a Polyjuice Po—"

"One month," Sirius answered without giving Slughorn a glance, still staring at his friend. "Honestly James, it's weirder now that you aren't much of a toerag anymore."

Sirius' comment was, unfortunately, loud enough to cause raised eyebrows across the class. Any ordinary person would have wished to die from shame, but James was too extraordinary to feel any embarrassment at the blatantly obvious insult from his best pal.

"Well, isn't that great?" James replied, blinking once at Sirius in mock bewilderment. "I'm doing Hogwarts a favor by being an obedient boy for the remaining two years I'm here."

James' only response was complete silence in the dungeon, sans the bubbling cauldrons over the crackling fire. Nobody was amused at his terrible joke; not even the Marauders.

"Boys," Slughorn sighed at them to break the awkward stillness. "I'd appreciate if you can do me the same favor by paying attention to my class, and not exchanging sarcasm behind me like bickering housewives."

That did shut James and Sirius up, in the midst of scornful sniggers from the Slytherins and resigned facepalms from the students of other houses. Lily, however, threw a look of disdain at James before turning her back firmly at him, determined to ignore him for the rest of the lesson.

If James was oblivious to the whole world around him, at least there was one thing he couldn't turn a blind eye to. "Now you've done it," he hissed to Sirius from the corner of his mouth. "You made her angry at me."

"You're unbelievable," Sirius was at his wit's end. He raised his hand to get Slughorn's attention. "Professor, I think James is probably drunk on a powerful love potion. Do you have any antidote to put him to sleep this instant?"

Slughorn glanced between James and Sirius with a frown, not at all pleased to have such an important class being disrupted every few seconds. "...Well, did he?"

"Professor," Lily was even more annoyed at the escalating stupidity. "May I request that the class continues on without any further interruption? There are some of us who are here to study, unlike a certain insufferable bigot over there." She glowered at James to make her point.