Almost, But Not Quite (COMPLETED)

Epilogue (Part 2)

"You know Joey's not like that. And it's been years. I thought you're over that already?"

I begged myself... I begged myself to stop the tears that were threatening to fall. I begged myself to stop the whimpers that were about to be heard.

Naiintindihan ko si Psalm. Naiintindihan ko siya... But that didn't mean that I wasn't hurting from everything that he said. Because I knew that it was my own doing. That I chose to do that to him... That it was the result of the mistake that I did.

That it was the truth. The truth that the single mistake would haunt me always. That I'd always have a remembrance of that.

"I try to be okay. I always try to trust her. But I just can't drown the demons inside my head. The fucking bastards know how to swim."

I was thankful that the doctor finally arrived. Psalm gently woke me up. Dahan-dahan kong idinilat ang mga mata ko, nakikiusap na sana ay hindi niya mapansin kung paano ako muling nasira dahil sa mga salitang binitiwan niya.

Na kahit gaano ko pa siya naiintindihan, hindi ko pa rin maiiwasan na masaktan sa mga sinabi niya.

"Joey..." he whispered in my ear. "The doctor's here," he said.

Psalm helped me to sit down. Tahimik akong nakinig sa mga sasabihin niya. I was praying that I wasn't pregnant. I didn't want to be pregnant. I didn't want to trap Psalm into marrying me if he didn't want to... If he still didn't trust me... If he's still so scared of me...

Saint left us. I held my own hand. I needed to calm down, to not show him how badly I was hurting. How badly my heart was shattered.

"Doc, how's she?" Psalm asked. I could hear the fear in his voice. Did he wish, too, that I wasn't pregnant? Para wala siyang maging responsibilidad na pakasalan ako? Because we both knew that if I got married, there's no choice for him but to marry me. Because both our families would force us.

Kaya sana hindi.

Kaya sana 'wag.

Kasi pareho lang kaming malulubog sa mga bagay na kinatatakutan namin. Na baka pareho na kaming tuluyang hindi na makaahon pa.

"It's just over fatigue," the doctor said. I couldn't even look at Psalm's face. I didn't want to see the relief in his face knowing that I wasn't pregnant. That there's no reason for him to forcibly marry me.

Tahimik akong nakinig sa mga bilin ng doctor. Gusto ko na lang umuwi. Gusto ko na lang magpahinga. Gusto ko na lamang mapag-isa.

* * *

I was in the hospital. I was doing the usual routine. Nagkaroon ng emergency iyong attendant ko kaya nalipat ako. And the new one was just... a fucking asshole. Palaging late tapo sa junior interns nagagalit. I just... wow. Some doctors are just fucking assholes. You'd wonder why they are in the health care industry.

So, I felt like I was on the way to the hospital again. Pakiramdam ko magkakasakit na naman ako dahil sa dami ng ginagawa ko.

"Joey," Psalm called. I answered his call. I wasn't mad at him. I tried my best not to be dahil alam ko kung saan siya nanggagaling.

"What?" I replied. I was checking the charts dahil naaawa na ako sa junior interns dahil baka sila na naman mapagalitan kapag may kulang o na-overlook sa charts.

"Can you do dinner tonight?" he asked.

"Can't," I replied. "Di pa dumadating si Dr. Chua. 'Di pa ako pwedeng umalis," I said.

"Okay... I'll just bring you food."

"Okay," I said before I ended the call.

Pinagpatuloy ko ang ginagawa ko. Nang matapos ako, dumiretso na ako sa quarters para pumuslit ng tulog. My eyes were on the verge of giving up, and I was feeling the burn from the continuous weeks of nonstop duty.