The Goblin's Throne

Chapter Twenty Six: Strike

It was like everything reset itself once The Winter Solstice passed. The dead were mourned and buried. I watched from the palace as the families of the Seelie soldiers released what was left of their bodies into the sea of magic. They drifted away for a moment then fell apart, turning from flesh and blood to silvery stars that fell away from each other. Some of those stars were pulled into the darkness beyond the sea and vanished while others burned brightly and became a part of the sea itself. Those that still had something to bury were the lucky ones. Others, whose sons', husbands', brothers', fathers' bodies had been devoured or torn into nothing or lost could do nothing but lay their hands into those magic starry waters and pray for them. I watched those people suffer, wishing only for more of it to be delivered upon them. At least they had been allowed to attend their loved ones' funeral. Once the grieving had passed, however, everything went back to normal. Three days after the escape attempt, I returned to my duties as if nothing had occurred.

"Ma Tilda! You came!" Neasa greeted me with a big grin as I entered her room. She hobbled to me and threw her skinny arms around my legs. 

"Hello, Dove," I replied wearily. I didn't move or touch her. I turned my eyes to her mother. Aurora stood by with Liber, the both of them giving me pitying looks that turned my belly sour. "Take her, please," I muttered.

"She's so happy to see you. She's talked of little else." Aurora said gently.

I tried to inject metal into my voice, but still, it wavered, betraying every hurt. "I know I'm here to work. I will gladly clean the entire tower for you, but I can't care for her. Not today. I'm not ready for that." I finally reached down and pried the little girl's hands from me, pushing her away. Again, I never looked at her for fear of what would happen if I did. "Please," I began, grimacing as tears began to escape and dripped down my face. No matter how hard I tried to fight them they overcame all my barriers. "I do not trust myself not to hurt her," I said in goblin. My rage was suffocating. I wanted to wrap my hands around Neasa's throat and, press my knees into her chest until she stopped breathing. I wanted to cause someone else the same pain I felt now.

Aurora was taken aback. She stiffened. Her eyes widened, but after a moment, she gave me a nod. "Very well. Do as you please." She came to me and took her daughter by the hand. "Neasa, Matilda isn't feeling well. She'll play with you another time. We can't have you getting sick." 

Neasa whined and cried, disappointed that I couldn't play with her, but Aurora stayed firm. She picked her up and bounced her, shushing her with a little hummed tune. "I'm sorry, Matilda," Aurora whispered to me. She reached to touch my shoulder and I flinched away looking at her hand like it was covered in filth. Frowning, she let her hand fall away. "Liber, let me know when Matilda is finished. I'll take Neasa out to play."

"I will." Liber said, closing the door for Aurora after she left. "Would you honestly hurt Neasa?" Liber asked, his hand slipping from the door. He turned to me with that sickening pity darkening his eyes. 

"You want me to lie?" I said through clenched teeth, snatching up the toys scattered around the room. "No one in this place gives a damn about my own children so why the hell should I care about one of yours? I should be home now." I sniffled, tossing the toys in my arms into a drawer and kicking it closed. "I should be with them, but instead I'm here, expected to act motherly to a faerie brat while my sons are kingdoms away, crying for me."

"I'm sorry." Liber echoed Aurora.

I whirled with a snarl and shoved him hard, making him stagger. "You can shove your fake concern up your feathered ass!"

"Are you really so full of hate that you can't see when people actually do care?"

"No one does." I seethed. "Not about monsters like me and my family. Not unless they want something from us like bodies for your armies or what's in-between my legs."