Death is My BFF Rewritten (Book 1 of the Rewritten Death Chronicles)

Chapter 25: Ta-da!

            I frowned. Chopping the blinds? Now I was picturing a crazy person karate chopping blinds on a window.

            "Ah, of course you are unfamiliar with the term." There was amusement in his eyes, like he was mocking my intelligence. "Chopping the blinds occurs when all other players fold to the blinds before the flop. The flop is when the three cards on the table are flipped over. Chopping creates confusion and hard feelings. Similarly, Death will lay it on thick and lure you in and make feel sympathy for his own mistakes. Chopping allows a tight player to play ante-free. You are that tight player, Faith Williams. You have put forth your bet before the cards have been dealt, and you are losing that bet because you are losing against fate. You are now the vulnerable one at the poker table. You need someone who can stand in front of your fate, and knock him straight to ground. Chips, cards, and all. You need me."

                        Suddenly, Malphas' black eyes narrowed towards the windows in the living room, and like an animal honing in on a sound, he grew utterly still, and his attention remained fixated on the windows for a while. There was an eerie silence in the room where I collected my thoughts, and oddly enough, began to view The Raven Demon differently than before. He was an enemy, but maybe he was also my strongest ally.

            Malphas straightened the lapels of suit, then fixed his cuffs.

            "But I need you as well, and that's why I'm here," he admitted through slightly clenched teeth. "As powerful as I am, I lack in other areas where you do not." His jaw tightened for a fraction of a second, as if he was restraining himself from saying something else, but then he thought better, and smiled kindly down at me. "Pardon my vulgarity, but you have female...assets, a feisty mouth, and a palpable amount of innocence which reflects off of you like light off a disco ball. You  serve as the perfect distraction. He suffers, as all Fallen do, from the Seven Deadly Sins. One of which, is lust. Therefore, even an uncivilized, foul-mouthed creature who despises humans almost as much as I do, can see your sexual attraction. I'm referring to Death, of course. This is what I need from you, Faith, a distraction. Ask yourself, can that pendant around your neck protect you from a fiend his own creators can't keep at bay? This opportunity will not be available for much longer. A smart girl, would take it while she can. I'm sure you have questions as well. I will answer them, but on my own turf."

            With that, he vanished in thin air, and I woke up in a cold sweat in my room. The first thing I did was run into my bathroom and dry heave. My anxiety level was off the charts, and because I hadn't eaten anything in God knows how long, nothing was coming up the more I tried to throw up.

            Malphas. An ally?

            I did not expect what would happen next.

            I should burn every baggy outfit that Faith owns, so I can properly stare at her chest and nod every other second when she speaks, so I can pretend I'm actually listening to her whiny voice and what she's saying. Maybe I should stop that, it's not very well-mannered. Nah. Why the hell is this illusion wearing a V neck? My body would look good in a V neck. Well, my body looks good in everything... I don't want to buy one of those 4 packs of V necks at the store and look like one of those tool bags that are "just touch with their feminine side". The guys who not only get their nails done on Friday's, but wax their chest and...I don't want to even think about what else they wax. I'm hungry. I'm always hungry. Flames of Hell, now I have to piss. What kind of evil attack is this? I should have took a potty break beforehand. Crap, Faith's dog found my peeing spot and is trying to hump my leg. Wait a minute. The Williams' family doesn't have a dog...