Voir Dire (N.H.)

four

"Kelsey, dearie, give me a call back. I'm worried about you. Please dear," Kelsey quickly deleted yet another voicemail from her mother. If her mother was worried about her she wouldn't have had an affair with another man. If her mother was truly worried about Kelsey's well-being she wouldn't have torn their family apart. She threw her phone back down on the countertop with a loud thud.

"You know you aren't going to be able to ignore her calls forever," Becca, Kelsey's current roommate said from her perch on the couch. Becca had become the closest thing Kelsey had to a best friend ever since her falling out with Holly five months ago. When Kelsey had decided she was going to move out to Los Angeles during her gap year, Becca had graciously offered up her spare bedroom. Kelsey supposed it was due to one of those "sorority sisters forever" notions. But obligatory or not, Kelsey was grateful to have a place to stay.

"If she was really worried about me she'd come find me," Kelsey said apathetically. "But you know that would actually require speaking to my father, which I doubt she will do." She filled a cup of water from the faucet, taking several gulps. Talking about her family lately made Kelsey all sort of worked up. 

Kelsey plopped down on the couch next to Becca, throwing her feet up on the plush grey ottoman and began to mindlessly scroll through her Facebook feed.

"Remember that guy we met at the bar last weekend?" Becca broke the silence. Kelsey snapped her head towards her roommate.

"Yes..." Kelsey responded. How could she have forgotten the gorgeous man that Becca flirted with all night last weekend? He seemed like a real catch if it was up to Kelsey.

"He texted me today, out of the blue," Becca smiled. Becca wasn't one to get too excited about a guy. Especially not a guy that she met at a bar, but for some reason this guy had particularly peaked her interest. Kelsey could see why.

"And..."

"He wants to go out on a date," Becca said. She paused. Pauses were never a good sign. Pauses usually meant that the word but was about to enter the conversation. "On Saturday night." 

"Oh," Kelsey's face dropped a little, there was that 'but'. Saturday night was the AMAs. It was a huge night for business at Manhattan, and Becca had been planning to sneak into the bar for the evening in hopes of spotting some big celebrity.

"I know it's the AMA's but I don't want to pass up this opportunity you know. And maybe I can convince him to drop by the Manhattan anyway?" Becca offered a sympathetic smile. Kelsey knew her friend meant well, and she certainly didn't want to detract from someone else's happiness. Just because she was a brokenhearted mess didn't mean that her friend had to join the pity party.

"No, go! I'll get Ed Sheeran's autograph for you," Kelsey laughed. She sees the relief wash over Becca's face.

"Oh you better," Becca laughed playfully. Her face then takes a more serious note. "You know maybe he'll have some friends I can set you up with, when you are ready for that I mean."

Kelsey sighed. She didn't know if she'd ever be ready to put her heart out on the line again. After going through what she went through-being betrayed by the two people she cared about most in this world and then witnessing the disastrous divorce of her seemingly happily married parents, Kelsey wasn't even sure that she would be able to believe in love again.

She wanted to. She wanted to feel that spark and desire. To feel so overwhelmed by love that you couldn't help but smile even on the bad days. She used to be that happy, she used to believe in love that much. But that seemed like such a distant memory now, a memory covered in the cobwebs in the back of her mind. It was hard for her to even remember that happiness, or at least to remember that happiness without a strong taste of bile rising in the back of her throat.

"When I'm ready for it, sure," Kelsey shot Becca a small smile. But she knew her friend could read between the lines. She wasn't going to be ready anytime soon.