Wandering Fireflies

Chapter 28: How Did We Get Into This Mess?

Today was going to be a long day.

***

"Dude, did you check out that website last night?"

"Zhang, I thought we agreed not to go back on it." Okay, I know I shouldn't have even gone on it in the first place. If Zaavan wanted me to know something, he would tell me when he was ready. The worst part though, was that he did tell me most of what was on there. Now I feel bad for snooping.

"Yeah, I know," he said with a guilty look. "But everyone was talking about you so..."

"What does it say about me now?" I asked with a sigh.

"Nothing much. Only that it was you in the picture. That's it."

As we neared the cafeteria, my heart started to pound. Nervousness took hold of me as I mentally prepared myself for what was to come.

Well, here goes nothing.

"Want to sit with Trinity and the others again?" Zhang asked sarcastically.

I snorted. "Yea, I don't think he'll be asking us today." We normally sit with Zaavan and Ahmed but yesterday, because of the whole website situation, Trinity called an emergency hockey team meeting to discuss how we can take down the soccer team by taking down their captain. I spent the whole lunch period arguing with him because there was no way that I was going to let him use this as an opportunity to hurt Zaavan even more. He deserved better.

He deserved better than me.

We sat down at our now nearly empty lunch table. It was also abnormally quiet, but that might've just been because Katja was suspended.

"Hey guys!" smiled Ahmed.

"What's up?" said Zhang as they did this dorky handshake they made up.

"Have either of you seen Zaavan?" My stomach lurched at the mention of his name.

Zhang shook his head. "He's not with you?"

"No, we couldn't find him anywhere," added Dashiell. "I'm starting to get worried. We came to school together so he's got to still be here-"

"Vance!"

We all turned to face the person who interrupted Dashiell. Oh great, just what I needed.

It was Kennedy.

"Can I like, talk to you for a minute? In private?" she asked impatiently.

"Uh...sure," I said, reluctantly getting up and following her out into the hallway.

"So, what's up?" I asked nervously, knowing exactly what this was about.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded.

"Tell you what?" I tried.

"You know what!" she scoffed. "Why didn't you tell me that you're gay?"

"Because I'm not."

"Don't deny it, everyone knows that that's you in the picture!"

"I'm telling the truth, I'm not gay! I like Zaavan and yea I like boys but I still like girls. You don't understand how frustrating this is for me!" I snapped. I was just so tired of everyone thinking that this was easy on me because it wasn't. I don't hate myself for not being straight, it's just confusing dealing with these feelings I've started getting for boys when all my life I could've sworn I was straight. Not to mention I've been constantly told that homosexuality was wrong."

"Vance, I do get it, I'm bisexual, remember?" she said, her voice softening. "I went through the same thing, it's just, why didn't you tell me? We're still friends, right?"