Cherry

Please

It had been 2 weeks since the accident. Sarah was in critical condition after going through the windshield. She lies in a coma with a few broken bones here and there.
I was terrified that I would be in trouble for what happened to her, but my story that I told the officers checked out as true.
She will be facing jail time after she is let out of the hospital. I never wanted to do that to Sarah. I would never dream of physically hurting her or throwing her in prison,  But I also never thought that she would put a gun towards my head, that she would threaten my life or Cherries. So I had to protect myself and Cherry no matter what.

The things that Sarah had said to Cherry has haunted me every night since that night. Her terrible words, they replay like CD on loop.

Cherry had talked to me before about being a black women in this world. How people look at her and judge her before they even knew her. The awfully racist things they say over the internet. Just because there is a computer screen to protect them. And then she had to go and experience the shit that she told me hurts her first hand from my wife.

Cherry hadn't talked to me since the accident. Not a text, not an email. Nothing. She checked herself out of the hospital a couple of days before I did based on what the nurse had told me and she hasn't returned any of my calls or texts.

I don't even blame her. I put her life in danger. She never wanted to move forward with our relationship, but I insisted even though Sarah and I hadn't divorced yet.

Cherry was the only positive thing in my life and I ruined it. I've sat in my home. Alone and depressed for days. I hadn't done any work and my answering machine was full. My mind had been taken over by guilt and it pained me so much about what I made Cherry go through. I would never forgive myself. How could I? She can't even forgive me.

I'd feel better if she would have cursed me out and told me that she hated me and never wanted to speak to me again. But nothing. The nothingness is what hurts the most. Leaving me to wonder what's going on in her mind. Leaving me to think of the worse possible thoughts that she has about me.

I've stopped myself from just driving to her house and knocking on the door every day. The fact that she is so close but so far only makes the situation worse. I just want to hold her and apologize. I just want to see if she is okay. I have to see her. My Cherry. But I won't just show up. She doesn't deserve that. She deserves time.

I lay in my bed under my blanket. I can feel the afternoon sun shining through my window. Even when my marriage was falling apart I could still get out of bed and start my day. I could work, eat, and shower just fine. I just can't get up now. My heart aches for Cherry and it's affecting my whole body and mind. My business cell has rang numerous times today but I won't answer until I see Cherries name pop up on my screen. She's the only one I'll answer to.

I lay in my bed for hours only getting up to use the bathroom. My appetite is completely gone so I don't have to worry about feeding myself.

It seems like it's been days. But I'm not sure of the day or time any more. The sun rises and falls periodically. And the stuble that usually have is now a dark brown beard.

My phone died about an hour ago but I don't even care. I know that if Cherry wanted to talk she would have called by now. I've lost her. Not only have I lost her But I've lost myself to. And that's just not me.

I wonder what my life would've been like if I had never saw Cherry that day at the strip club. If she had never danced that day. If I had never went to Honeys.  Would we have still met by fate at the grocery store? Or would our paths have never cross?
Would thing's be better? My sad marriage was a disgrace but at least I could breathe, at least my heart wasn't aching with every breath. I was just pathetic. But at least my heart wouldn't be tearing each second she ignores me. God, I'm pathetic in both scenarios. In both realities.

I close my eyes and try to clear my jumbled mind. I slow my breathing down and rub my hands through my hair. Everything will be okay. Everything happens for a reason. I know that Cherry is the woman for me. She makes me the happiest man on earth. She will come back to me. She will call me when she's ready. She just needs some time.
Some time.
Some time.

My eyes close and my body feels exhausted from over thinking. I drift off into a deep slumber praying that I feel a little better when I wake up.