i can't stay mad at you

twelve

Olivia

My little problem with Miles is getting worse. He was being nice today and I'm not saying that drew me in more but...you get the picture. I'm just not used to him being nice so it really threw me off for the rest of the day. After talking to him, I just started to notice all the little weird things about myself that I hope Miles didn't notice. Like how I'm convinced one of my pant legs is longer than the other (and not in a cute 'oh teehee I'm so quirky' way but in a 'why the hell does one of my pant legs stop under my foot and the other stops at my ankle' way) and how I think I walk funny because my feet point more outward. I just continued to knit pick the little things about myself that were weird because I guess subconsciously I don't want Miles to think these things are weird too? But I mean, since when did I care so much? And there's not really anything I can do about my damn pants at the moment. But anyways that's how my day went. Whenever I would settle on one thing about myself, another thing would pop up. I smile too much. My hair is kinda frizzy today. I should've worn different shoes. The list goes on and on and on. So you can understand by the time I got home I was pretty...not okay. Because what if one of these things is something Miles has thought of? The last thing anyone wants is their crush-or um friend in my case, to think about your weird traits.

When I get home, Alanya is sitting on the couch, typing away on her laptop. One thing I can admire about my older sister is that she works her ass off. She admits to her faults in high school, knowing that she didn't do her very best academic wise, but she's making up for it in community college. She has her goals and she's striving to reach them. I hope to be as motivated as she is in college.

"Hey Alanya," I say, taking my shoes off at the door.

"Hey sis, how was school?" She doesn't look up from her computer, but I know she's interested. Alanya has kind of been a mother role for my younger siblings and I. My mother is constantly working and we barely see her, and when we do it's rare that she is in the mood to have real conversation. She does everything for us though, and I hope one day I can do something really nice for her. I don't know, buy her a new car or something. But, anyways, as the oldest daughter, Alanya  plays more of a parent role, with her constant nagging for us to clean and driving us pretty much everywhere. Maybe one day I can do something nice for her as well.

"It was okay, I guess. Hey can I ask you a question?" She looks up at me.

"What's up?"

"Can you tell my pant legs are uneven?" She gives me a weird look but looks down at my pants nonetheless.

Her face is a mixture between shock and concern. "Girl, where the hell you get them pants from?" She burst out laughing, "I have never seen this kinda shit before Liv, how the hell you got uneven pants?"

"Ugh! I knew it. I'm going to my room," I roll my eyes and turn to the steps. When I reach my room, I pull my pants off immediately and sit on my bed. What a day its been.

When I pick up my phone, there are three texts from Ethan-

ethan: I don't know what to say to him helpppppp. This is so bad.

ethan: whywhywhy is this my life??????? He is sitting across from me and we are talking about nothing, I'm too scared to tell him....

ethan: I can't do it, I'm gonna think of an excuse to leave..

I shake my head, typing on the keyboard-

ethan you got this trust me hes your best friend itll be fine. in the end its up to you if you tell him or not but I think you should

He responds quickly and I could just picture him playing with his phone as a distraction to not talk to Miles.

ethan: Okay, I will. When I see you later, I think we should talk about your lack of correct grammar and punctuation through text.