Silently Falling | √

•Chapter 40•

"I chose to go out with you because you're different, you don't try to be someone you're not just to please others and you are just so mysterious and alluring. I like the fact that you appreciate the smaller things in life like your family and friends."

He still held onto me and I onto him. He was my safe haven and I couldn't imagine how it would feel to not have him with me. Maybe I was getting to attached to him to fast and I'd regret it later, but I'm only human and hard wired to desire and feel things.

"She is kind of psychotic," I said as I pulled away from the hug and Nick crawled in the covers with me as he wrapped his hand over my shoulder and I leaned my head against him.

Nick scoffed, "she is not kind of psychotic, she is psychotic. Don't let her looks deceive you into thinking otherwise."

"And yet you still dated her," I mused with a light laugh but something stirred within me at the thought of them together: holding each other and kissing and cuddling, the thought made me sick to my gut.

"Is that jealousy I detect Miss. Vance?" he asked with an amused look twinkling in his green eyes.

"I'm not jealous, just curious. There is a difference," I defended as I looked away from his smouldering gaze.

He used his index finger to tip my chin up and look him in the eyes as he leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "There is no need to be jealous of her, she is someone from my past, a past I highly regret ever since I met you," he breathed as he laid his forehead against mine. "You're all I want and need."

"But what of Hayley?" I just had to open my big mouth and ruin a good moment.

Nick's whole body tensed as he pulled back away from me and stared at the wall before he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I did things I am not proud of and got involved with the wrong crowd but Hayley saw right through my facadè and she challenged me to be a better version of myself. She was my first love and I'll always love her," he said.

I felt my breath lodge in my throat at his confession. "I shared everything with her and she was everything to me," he continued as though he just hadn't crushed my heart into a tiny million pieces.

If my heart wasn't broken already, then it sure was now. She was his first love and he still loved her. What am I doing to myself? Just why? He made me confess to being in love with him but yet he never once said it back to me.

"I felt lost when she passed and I wasn't myself. I was depressed a third of the time," he continued, "then we moved and everyone thought it could fix things and I met you. You reminded me of her in more ways than one, and I hated you instantly because you weren't her. Hence I was rude to you all the damn time."

Woah! That's the only thing running through my mind right now. Just woah. I opened and closed my mouth but no words came out.

Nick finally looked at me and his eyes were glassy as he held my hands in his. "I know it's no excuse for treating you like that and I'm sorry. I can't live without you and I need you, you make me feel alive and when I-I am with you I don't feel the ghosts of the past haunting me."

"I-I don't know what to say," I admitted as he finished talking.

"You don't have to say anything, you being here with me is all the answer I need," he sighed and embraced me. "I'm sorry for everything I put you through," he sniffed.

My hands hung limp by my sides as he held me with everything within him. I couldn't bring myself to embrace him after everything he just admitted. A huge part of me knew I was setting myself up for greater disappointment but I chose to ignore it and now I'm ripping what I sowed; heartbreak and heartache, all mixed together to create the perfect concoction: pain.

"Alexis?" he whispered.

"Yeah?" I snapped out of my thoughts.

"Do you hate me?"

His question caught me off-guard and I didn't know what to say. "Why do you think so?"

"Because you've been awfully quiet and you're not returning my hug," he spoke quietly.

"No I don't hate you, I'm still processing everything that you said," I admitted as I leaned into him but still not embracing him.

Nick pulled away, placed his hands on my shoulders and looked me right in the eyes. "You don't have to lie to me, you can tell you hate me and I won't blame you because I'd hate me too if I were you."

I sighed, "I don't hate you, it's just way too much for me right now and I need time to fully process and come to terms with everything."

Just as he we about to say something, the door to the room opened and in walked Dr. Dave with Sara by his side.

"Oh good you're finally awake," Dr. Dave said, "Sara please get her ready for the surgery," he said to her. "Nick your mum and sister are waiting for you in the other room."

"I'm having the surgery now?" I exclaimed.

"Yes, the doctor who is supposed to do your surgery just got in yesterday and she'll be leaving in a few days. So she has to do it now or you'll have to wait for six months for her to get back from her trip overseas," he explained. "It's now or never."

Nick stood up and walked towards the door, "I'll see you before you go to the surgery," he said over his shoulder before he followed Dr. Dave and left me alone with Sara.

"You'll be fine," Sara spoke softly seeming to have noticed my uneasiness. "Dr. Martins is very good at her job and the surgery will be successful and you will make it."

Somehow her words did the opposite of what they were supposed to do. Instead of calming me down or putting me at ease, they made me feel anxious, paranoid and scared out of my mind.

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~A