Can I hope this is an illusion?

chapter 6

A choice is something so abundant as the stars,at times you only have so many ,but later you can be lost on what to do or say.Its like a constant maze with no end and no wrong answers,it just leads you to the next question that can neither be wrong or right.If you think about them you might classify one as the wrong ,but in the end it is endless.

I ran laps in PE class with my mind overworked processing the thoughts and what had happened. I had just let my mouth get the best of me.The thing was it was like the last part of me that wanted to believe what he said was a joke,a cold hearten and cruel joke,but at the least wasn't true.It was like it wanted to say he had a chance.I felt like my emotions were fighting against one another,telling each other I should run to him and tell him he had a chance or get mad and get over him.I knew I wanted to say no,but I felt if I did I would regret it.'Wait regret?Why would I do that,it seemed he had no regrets saying I should die.Why can't I?'I shook my head,'I'll just forget about it.'Needless to say it was hard to forget about it. 

I was angered at the fact someone had caused her pain,there was no way she would do that by choice.I knew I would never say that if I was with her.Who would do this?

I was still running until I heard some footsteps pacing toward me.She stopped after getting next to me."What happened?"Shane asked all of a sudden."Nothing."I said blankly."Okay,then I guess you have no problem with me telling someone about..."I stopped her with a panicked answer."F-fine!It has to do with Ash,I don't know how to answer him."I said hating when she used what she knew against me."I don't know how to give him an answer."I said."Who do you like?"She asked just getting to a basic answer."I don't know."I said using the truth,I really had no idea,the instant I thought about Shawn as an answer my thoughts became even more complicated,pushing an answer to the side.'Why would Shawn make this more complicated?All I need to answer was if I would give Ash a chance or not,right?'...