Obsession

39

•G Dragon•
It kills me to know that another man has seen and touched Vanna in such an intimate way. Not long ago I was the only man she has been with and I kind of hoped it would've stayed that way. It hurts me so much and it will take me awhile to get over it, but if Vanna can get over everything I've done to her then I can try to get over this.
No matter how much my heart drops into my stomach when I think about them together I have to try to push it aside. After Vanna told me what happened we left it at that. Moving on to spend our day with Cheonsa. There's nothing more I can do about what's been done. I just have to deal with my own emotions and thoughts over this situation.

"Bye daddy" Cheonsa hugs me tightly.

A smile spreads across my face. "Bye baby I'll see you tomorrow love"

The most painful part of my day is having to leave her. Not being able to stay with her morning to night. Every time I say goodbye I feel my chest tighten.

I don't want it like this. It reminds me everyday about the things I have done and in some way I feel like this is a punishment sent to me from above. Don't let some stranger punch me in the face, don't let me break a bone, let me feel this pain of not being with the two people I love with my entire soul. Let me feel the burn in my heart knowing I missed the pregnancy and the birth of my daughter, the guilt I have about putting my hands on a woman. Taking her for my own selfishness. I fear to wake up not knowing if I'll ever be in their lives again. Let me experience the most excruciating pain instead of seeing my daughter for one last time. My pain is living with this everyday.

"Bye Jiyong, we'll see you tomorrow" she gives me a soft smile.

"Bye"

•Vanna•
I don't want it like this. This isn't how I imagined my life would turn out. I wake up everyday feeling guilty to be feeling like this. To regret the decision I've made. Never in a million years would I regret Cheonsa, but sadly I wish she came into this world in a better situation. I know I'm hurting Jiyong. I know he's in pain and things are very hard for him right now, but I'm also hurting Cheonsa. The love she has for him is something special and I don't ever want to take that away. Him almost leaving today because of what I did scared me. I want him to stay for her.

"Mommy look at how hard it's raining" Cheonsa calls me from her spot at the window.

Indeed rain is pouring down making sounds as it hits the surface of buildings. Clouds occupy the sky instead of stars.

"Wow it is raining pretty hard"

Sighing quietly I watch Cheonsa as she gazes at the rain. The silence is interrupted when the sound of our lights shutting off grabs our attention. Darkness surrounds us and I hear Cheonsa gasp out of shock as I look around the apartment dumbfounded as to the reasoning for this. It couldn't possibly be the rain. I look out the window and the building across from ours still has it's lights on.

"Mommy" Cheonsa hugs my leg and I pick her up settling her on my hip.

"It's okay baby the lights just went out. Let's find some candles" I grab my phone putting on the flash.

Lighting a couple candles they illuminate the living room. Cheonsa is sitting in my lap as we take place on the floor. Gently I play with her hair to calm her because she won't let go of me.

I grab my phone to call the manager of the apartments.

"Hi is the buildings lights out right now?"

"No the building has electricity"

"Well why are my lights off?" I hear shuffle on the other end before the manager is speaking again.