Love came last

Genotype

AS, he's AS all my fears, why I guarded my self all this years came crashing in just a moment "Lily" he tapped my legs "yes" I managed to answer, "I don't want any secrets between us, i dated a girl who was also AS but we couldn't marry each other, thats why I asked you when we were in Seattle  remember? You said AA" he holds my hands excitedly.
I ruined us, with one fucking lie I ruined what we had but shouldn't have had.
Flash back
I was sitting in Ell's housewhen Elliot sat next to me "a dollar for your thought"  he said  "just missing home" I replied  "can i" i lie my head on his laps before he even replied "you look disturbed yourself" I said looking up to see his blank face, me and Elliot weren't so close but this small business trip made us close enough to know if he's worried or not "maybe is stress" he says but i can sense he's lying "i" went to the hospital about all the stress and co, last month, I even had my genotype done, I didn't know before"
I felt sadness rise up, I'm not really sad I'm a sickle cell patient or anything I'm just jealous of people who don't have to worry about cold, rain, stress or anything "do you know yours?" i was drawn out of my thoughts "yea AA" I blurted out look at the sea avoiding his glare, I didn't mean to lie we aren't close enough for him to know, it took Bell 15 years to know, I remember i had an attack while I was at there house her mom was so worried that she called our family doctor over, that time my parents were out of town and she told them, Bell didn't talk to me for days "you're lucky" he broke me out of my thoughts, I stood up from his laps "I'm thirsty let me go get water" with that I left
End of flash back
I was lying and at that time I didn't ask him what his was God why? I fell down to the floor trying to breathe but I couldn't i was having panic attack, i cried my lungs out and Ell was so confused asking what's wrong then I break it out to him "Ell I'm sorry I got us into this mess" i said my words seizing, he looked at me confused "I am SS" i said and new tears started coming "I'm sorry"
Ell stood up from next to me "all this time you didn't think its necessary for you to tell me?, why Lily?" he said almost shouting "you always pretend to be who you are not all happy and problem free while you're just a sick sad puppy" with that he stump out of the room and with that I know I lost him forever I kept crying like the sick sad puppy i was really was until my mom called and I gave her the address for her to take me home.
Two days later
I kept on calling Ell and he wasn't picking up I sent him several messages telling him how sorry I was not that we can go back together but I want him by my side even as a friend, I still didn't remove my engagement ring and I still can't get over him.
I came back from home yesterday, my mom didn't want me to go back but I insisted, everything in my apartment reminded me of him how we used to watch Netflix together, even my kitchen reminds me of us the way we use to mess around while cooking how he presses me to the fridge and kiss me God i miss him, I couldn't sleep in my room that night, his cloth everything is there, we moved to my room after we were engaged, but we had something we should not have and I'm at fault.
My phone lit I thought it was Ell, but it was my boss "see you in an hour don't be late" i hiss throwing the phone down  I felt a new set of tears, I stood up to bath because this is my resuming day to work I took a break on Wednesday + weekend making 4 days, after taking a hot bath i wore my office outfit mostly jump suits and suits, I looked in the mirror I looked pale my eyes swollen from crying 3 days straight, I looked a mess, i wore my hair in a ponytail honestly I have no stress in styling it.
I arrived at my office and went straight to my office to avoid everyone, I settled my tired soul in the chair but I know i can't be effective today or anytime soon,after Some minutes the telephone rang I know its my boss i pocked "come to my room now"  with that he hanged up no courtesy what so ever, I stood up to go to his office but i saw some office colleagues staring at me, then i just felt someone took my hand I looked and saw Maya, Sam's slut "wow you are engaged, your ring is beautiful" then everyone was wowing, I started feeling dizzy and then my whole bones were paining even my cheek bones I couldn't stand anymore, I collapsed.
I woke up to white paints, smell of antibiotics and a hand holding me I quickly voice out "I'm sorry Ell ple" I took a pause when I realized is not him is rather my annoying boss, "it's okay relax" he said in a low voice his face full of pity, pity what i hated most, then there was a lump in my throat and another set of tears, "how did i get here" I asked  sounding pathetic " you collapsed in the office and I brought you here" I recalled the incident "what's wrong with you you look sad" then the door opened saving me from explaining my self, it reveals a woman probably in my mid thirties with a white coat which I assumed is my doctor " can you excuse us she said to Sam" he immediately left after he left then she checked my pulse and and ask how i was feeling, I told her my body still hurts but she said is okay i was injected with morphine this morning, it is to serve as pain killer, i nodded in understanding then she ask why I don't eat and drink water despite my condition I couldn't answer that and she told me the side effects  and said my blood pressure is very high which is not very good "I will place you on some drugs, so you should come back after the dosage, I will discharge you tomorrow after I'm done with all your tests" she says
not that I really care if i die after loosing Ell.