Deep [Book One]

Eight - Past

"When no one else thought I was worth saving? You keep my soul racing. You kissed my lips and, oh, baby."

My feet stopped moving on their own. The sincerity in his voice was clear. He didn't mean to hurt me but what was happening. I thought he was mad that i came into his space. I was only trying to help. Make sure he wasn't in any danger but who was i kidding, I'm the one in danger. I turned and looked into his face, he was vulnerable. He looked childlike. A sweetness that i hadn't seen in him up until this moment. It made me want to grab him and just hold him.

Turning fully to look at him, I'm overcome with emotion because something wasn't quite ok with the both of us. It was clear that we were both pretty complicated individuals and it scared me that my coming here was a very good or horrible idea. He walked up to me, pulling me towards his king size bed. My heart started pounding all over again. Even though this moment seemed twisted, there was a layer of innocence but also sexual tension. Maybe i was the only one feeling it because he seemed pretty relaxed right now.

"Erik! Could you please put some clothes on." I spoke while closing my eyes. I've seen enough of his body. Even though i was within reaching distance, i kept my hands to myself. Right now my hormones were raging and i needed to control myself because under this robe i was just as naked as him and it would be easy...too easy. Yes, his body was insanely attractive. I didn't imagine it looking like this, this surpassed my imagination but it all felt wrong.

"I sleep naked...and i know you do too" His husky voice speaks and I'm soaking. His eyes skimmed my body, undressing the black silk like he could sense my clenching want for him. I felt the pool form at my core and my thighs suddenly feel the moisture too. How could he have me reacting to him like this. I pulled my robe around myself tighther as if i could pull away my need for him. My inner thighs now glide against each other as i awkwardly shift my weight from one leg to the other. Erik turns abruptly and his eyes fall on my bare legs and the smile grows wider as his eyes move upwards.

"I thought you were in danger Erik. That's why i came up here." I speak to get his attention back on my face. My body relaxed as i watch him get back in bed. He pats the space next to him and i reluctantly go and sit, making sure i stay above the sheets. I sat quietly, waiting for his explanation but he is quiet too. The silence in the room makes me focus on the heat between us. I'm both comfortable and uncomfortable and i keep telling myself that i needed to get out of here but i stay put. Before i could imagine him between my legs his voice brings me back to earth and my ears sting as they grow warm.

"Remember i told you about me being in the military...well ever since I've been back, I've been sufferimg from PTSD. I was having a nightmare. I guess shit got out of control again." He speaks in a voice so low i almost didn't hear him clearly. He seemed ashamed of what he was dealing with. Instantly i felt bad because not only was i familiar with PTSD, i too had suffered from it at one point. As much as i believed that i was over it, if i sat and thought about that period of my life, it takes me right back.

"It's okay Erik...i understand what you're going through. I suffered from it as well." My mind instantly went back to the day i found out who i really was.