Deep [Book One]

One - Me

Kehzia "Keyz" London
20
M.I.T Campus Library

The sharp pain in my neck shot down into every crevice of my upper body. The sensation leaving me completely numb. Stress pains was something I suffered from often and seeing that I'd been sitting in this library since nine am this morning, trying my best to study. I glance at my watch, it's four noon. I adjust my position once again. Trying to get comfortable in this horrendous wooden chair. I've been stuck on the same page for the last hour and I cannot hide the fact that I'm very annoyed and somewhat pissed at myself. I mean, I'm smart...or at least I thought I was. This shouldn't be that hard. I was always an academic. My father stressed the importance of education enough times that I didn't dare take school as a joke. I was bordering on being a full blown nerd but given the attention I got in high school, popularity kind of prevented that from happening. Although I was popular.. I was horrible with friendships. Go figure.

However, college was a different story altogether. It was my first semester and being an engineering major was no joke. The workload was hectic and now finally getting to exam time, it feels like the stress of it all just quadrupled. Knowing that stress was something I'd been recommended by my doctor to not do, it was always easier said than done. I knew i wasn't the only human being suffering like this. This world was messed up enough to stress anybody out.

But my lazer focus on my studies didn't just physically pain me but also crippled me socially. I had zero social life. What makes matters even more complicated was that I am originally from Los Angeles California and I'm studying at MIT. Since I'm from out of town, I didn't have many opportunities to meet new friends because if I'm not in class, I'm spending time by myself in my apartment. But what makes all of this even worse...and I didn't think it could get any worse, was that I had no desire in me to make any new friends. I was honestly bad with friendships. My last friendships didn't end so well. So i promised myself to just stay away from people. It saves them and me.

I guess you can classify me as a loner though, it's weird to say out loud. I grew up with four siblings, so i was surrounded by people all the time but I've had major problems in the past with keeping friends. There wasn't much that i could do about my family.

I blamed my lack of keeping in touch with people. In kindergarten I met my first best friend. Her name was Bianca. We were literally inseparable since day one. We remained close throughout grade school but when we were supposed to start high school, Bianca was enrolled into a different school. Needless to say that was the end of our friendship. We both met new people and made new friends. Ultimately forgetting about each other. Most people brag about how they've been with their besties for years now...I hardly know the people I was friends with in grade school. I thought maybe it was something I'd shake off but I don't speak to any of the people I was friends with in high school either. Somehow i took most of the blame because I knew I was horrible with keeping in touch but most didn't keep in touch with me either.

It didn't become any easier because the two friends I did keep throughout high school decided to attend NYU. The typical move for Cali kids. I on the other hand was determined to get the best education, so MIT was the only option for me. I worked my butt off to get in here, so not getting in wasn't even an option. My father went here as well and I'm a huge daddy's girl. I knew it would make him proud. Of course he works as an engineer now, so like father like daughter I guess. Being the second youngest of five left me in an awkward spot but most of my older siblings could see. So at home I was kind of a big deal to my three older brothers, Mehcad, Iman and Hakeem weren't as fortunate as me and my baby sister Nala because back when they went to school my parents couldn't afford much. My father was the only one working and one income wasn't enough. It was only a couple of years ago that my mother, who I've always known to be a stay at home mom, found her passion and decided to turn it into a career. She's a chef...but not just any chef. A Michelin star restaurant chef. She's kind of a big deal too now. Not so much into being in the spotlight but makes a whole bunch of money. My parents weren't rich but we never struggled. They made sure we had everything we needed and they'd spoil us sometimes with the things we wanted.