❝Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night.❞
❝That would be you.❞
❝You're a smooth motherfucker, aren't you?❞
In which Nico desperately needs advice and finds a payphone, but he has nobody to call.
And then the payphone rings.
And Nico answers.
And ov...
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"Hey, Nessa."
"...Nico?"
"No, this is Patrick."
"Don't joke with me, Nico. What the hell happened? Why have you been ghosting me for two weeks?"
"Oh.. Well, I just— um— "
"Don't even try to think of an excuse. Do you know how worried you had me? I thought I offended you or som—"
"You were worried about me?"
"Wipe that damn smirk off your face, Nico. I can feel it through the phone. You ended the call so abruptly I thought something had happened to you! Just because we've never actually met doesn't mean I wouldn't be affected if you were murdered in cold blood or something."
"My blood is very warm, don't you worry. I just freaked because I thought we had a... mutual friend, but I was just overthinking it. There's no way it could've been possible anyways."
"Niffy?"
"Yeah, um... my ex-girlfriend's name is Jenny, so when you told me Niffy's full name was Jennifer, I guess I just kinda freaked out. Sorry, Chewie."
"Whatever, at least you answered this week. Speaking of Niffy, she didn't answer my call yesterday or the one last week. Since you started interrupting our calls, basically. I don't know what the hell happened."
"Maybe she realised you're deeply, irrevocably in love with me and she's finally been replaced."
"Yeah, and maybe I'm secretly a crack whore."
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when spongebob ended a part of me died
sandy and spongebob literally never got together wtf
