Cursed [Jai Brooks]

Death- Chapter 19

As suggested by Livey_T I feel like the song Obsessed by Mariah Carey much describes Jope so if you want some major Jope feels go and listen to that song

Death

Death surrounds us, everything is dying from the minute it’s born yet why is death almost always immanent. Death is unexpected yet so expected at the same time, we expect death because it happens. It’s a course of life, when your life cycle ends you die and supposedly a new one starts but who knows what really happens? All I know is that when death occurs it leaves havoc in his path and the grim reaper is your new worst enemy despite its natural cause.

I figured I had to be okay with the fact that Ruby was gone, one day I would be too.  It’s just right now I can’t find the justice in her being taken away from me, she could’ve lived longer this wasn’t her fate. She was ripped from the world, she wasn’t allowed to just fall asleep and never wake again much like natural death, she was cruelly handed the joker and her game was ended all too soon.

Watching Luke writhe and groan in his sleep for days on end was torturing, knowing that nothing could cure the pain that’s inside his own mind made me feel terribly inadequate. I wanted to commit my promise of love to him by making him feel at least okay, or as okay as okay could get right now but his endless nightmares are impossible to cure, his soul has been tainted I can only pray that his heart always remains intact.

During this week leading up to the funeral I spent every day sat at a chair in garden looking out over parts of the city I realised that I’d never properly explored before. I sat with a journal in my hand and attempted to write. I wanted to write an account of past events that would maybe make sense out of all of this; maybe I could make sense out of why I feel this way. Maybe I could understand why such terrible things are happening to me and people around me. Every time I tried to write something I just found myself staring into space. I felt like I owed it to Ruby to write her a eulogy but every time I tried I couldn’t think of any positivity, all I could think about was how she deceived me by having sex with Jai.

"Hey, how’s it coming a long?” Luke asks, he places his firm hands on my shoulders and massages them softly

“I have no idea what to write” I sigh

I wish that I could find something to inspire me to write again but the truth is all of the light that ever existed in my soul has been dimmed with then evil doings of none other than Jai Brooks. He ruined my spark and took away my ability to love and progress like I used to. He took my shine and for the foreseeable future I can’t even imagine a way to get it back.

For any of you that are wondering, no. Me and Luke haven’t confirmed our love by...making love. We agreed that won’t happen until both of us are ready, I’d be committing my virginity to him, that’s something I truly will never be able to get back and I want to make sure that it feels right when it happens. I’m fully aware that Luke’s not a virgin, we briefly discussed it before, of course we didn’t go into detail or anything but I know that he’s been with more than one person intimately but he told me he’s never been in love before which baffles me. So for him our sex shall be more intimate than he’s ever experienced because it’s not going to be just “sex” it’s going to be love, I’m sharing a part of my body with him that I’ve not shared with anyone else in that way and he’s sharing new feelings with me that he’s never shared with anyone else before.

He pulls out a seat next to me and plonks himself down in it; he rests his elbows on the table before grabbing the book from my hands

“You really have wrote nothing” his eyes are wide with surprise