Psychopath [solangelo au]

-How to lose your mind-

June 13, 2018

"You are such a disappointment to our family Nico, but I guess you knew that already," Bianca sat next to me on the smoker stairs, just off of school property. 

I had really stooped to the lowest of lows.
But could you really blame me? Anyone would do the same- anything to make you feel normal again- not insane.

So of course, I bought more cigarettes and a new nice lighter, dark blue and holographic, at lunch when Camilla was out with her other friends. I wanted something stronger, but if I did people would be able to tell. High Nico was happy- and if I was happy and hyper they'd probably wonder why.
I had been followed and taunted by Bianca and hades all day, and hardly slept because of them the night before. I was exhausted and felt so absolutely empty.
I couldn't eat, it was like I had the flu, and my head was spinning.

I sat on the steps and looked at the back of my god forsaken school.
I blew out the smoke and waited for a head rush.
The school bell for the end of the day rung over the outdoor speakers. I sighed and put out the cigarette because Will was picking me up and it probably wouldn't be good if he saw me with another cigarette, considering he yelled at me for it only 3 days before.

I didn't feel remorse. I know he hated it, but thinking back to his arguments didn't make me want to stop. I knew it was horrible for me and would kill me.
But wasn't that the whole point?

Would Will really be surprised if he learned I didn't want to be around anymore? Would it be a surprise to anyone?
I would think it's pretty obvious. And who would really miss me? Jenny and Carmen? Will? Maybe Camilla?

Four people.  I would affect four people if I died. But wouldn't they get over it? I wasn't that important.

I stood up and stretched my arms above my head. Then I pulled out my cologne and sprayed myself with it so I wouldn't smell like smoke.

"No one would miss you Nico, don't even fool yourself. They'd all be better off without you, less stress in their life." Bianca shrugged, standing with me. I wanted to push her down the stairs, but unfortunately she was a figment of my imagination.

I hated that she followed me around, and I hated that she was always right, whether I wanted to admit it or not.

I tried to ignore her and hopped down the steps, and walked over to the school through the back door that went into a stair case.
People were all pushing down the steps, trying to get out of school as fast as they possibly could.
I put in my second earbud with a glare on my face, turning my sound up full blast so I couldn't hear anything around me.

I followed the crowd down the halls to the front door, and pushed out of it. It was easier to move around out there. I walked down the path to the main road where I could see Will parked.  He was talking to someone, with a bright smile on his face, but it seemed a bit more strained than normal.
He caught glance of me and waved to the person who walked away.
He leaned on his moms car with his arms crossed in the sun.
He looked hot, to put it shortly.
He was wearing a pair of ripped jeans and a blue shirt that made him look more tan and brought out his eyes.
His eyes crinkled at the sides as I got closer.
I walked out of the gates and smiled weakly as he pulled me into a hug.
For once I was glad I was shorter than him, because I could rest my head on his chest and hear his heartbeat perfectly.
I felt him rest his head on top of mine.

I loved not caring if anyone at school saw us. They all knew I was gay anyways, thanks to Caleb.

"Are you ok? You seem kinda down," I commented. A car honked down the street at someone who cut them off. People were yelling and shouting at the front of the school but all I could hear was Wills breathing and his heartbeat.