Psychopath [solangelo au]

-How to date-

May 9, 2018

"Fuck," I announced, tripping over a dent in the sidewalk and biting my tongue. Bianca was behind me, and if I hadn't known she was fake I would've for sure thought she pushed me. But that's impossible.

Saying "fuck" really loudly in public and earning a lot of strange and offended looks pretty much summed up my day. As in it was really sucking. Yeah, Caleb hasn't bothered me, or even looked at me, but I still couldn't be... happy. Unless I was with Will that is. Even a simple text made me smile.
But alone, that was a different story.

Maybe it was the building addiction to nicotine again, and how I always wanted the head rush. Maybe the head rushes were making things worse. Or maybe it was the constant worry that bianca or Hades would be around every corner. I was starting to feel more... empty than before. Hollow. A feeling of nothingness.

Caleb didn't go to school Monday, but came back on Tuesday with bruises covering his once clear face. His nose didn't seem to be broken though.
I still avoided him, even though I know he wouldn't do anything anymore.
I told Jenny how I felt Tuesday afternoon at our session. We also cut down sessions back to once a week. I'm not sure how good of an idea that was.
Wednesday morning in art I got a text from Will at the same time Caleb was called down to the office, saying that it was over for good. Caleb didn't come back to class.

I shook my head, to try and clear my thoughts and focus back on the ground in front of me so I wouldn't trip again. It was Thursday now, and Caleb missed another day of school.
I cursed at myself under my breath to stop my thoughts from trailing off again.
Bianca was waiting for me on the other side of my room when I woke up.

I wasn't surprised when I saw her. I had had a good week or more without her showing up, it was bound to happen. I knew it would. I wasn't cured. I couldn't be.
She had been trailing me all day, almost always visible. People gave me strange looks when I would stare at her with a heavy glare, and react to things she said to me. To them I was looking at nothing.

Camilla wasn't around much today. In art she didn't speak as much, as I came in obviously distracted. She didn't ask, I think she just assumed when I start muttering curses under my breath.
Maybe I scared her away, but after walking with me to my locker, she was called over to a group of girls. She gave me a look, I'm not sure if it was pity or an apology, but she said goodbye, and ended up going to lunch with them too.

I couldn't be mad. Or surprised or hurt. Yeah, we were friends. But she had other friends. She wasn't like me. She had a social life.

I kicked a rock far ahead of me. I readjusted my earbuds and turned it up louder to block out Bianca's taunts.
It's kind of difficult to block out something that's in your head. Someone who isn't actually there.
I was tired of over 14 years of being followed by a figment of my imagination. I was jealous of normal people, who didn't have hallucinations of their deceased family members and long gone father. Who didn't hear voices every week.

My feet shuffled along, dragging along the rough cement, probably wearing away the rubber bottoms to nothing. Why I still wore my destroyed vans when I had other shoes, I don't know. I liked them.

I turned down the street into the road lined with houses and trees. Kids I'd never seen before were playing street hockey. I walked by them, with my music full blast.

"Don't you wish you had a good childhood Nico? Instead you got a dead sister and mother, and a father who abandoned you,"

Bianca's voice filtered through my music. I kept walking but squeezed my eyes shut.

"You must have been a real problem child, for your only family to left you after the rest died, huh?"

"Fuck off," I murmured, apparently louder than I assumed as a kid coming to get the ball that had rolled over to the edge of the sidewalk stopped with wide eyes. I stared walking faster.
Only one more street to my house.