My Tattooed Tumblr Boy

Day 8

1:29 am

Our conversations are short. Sometimes I don't get good mornings and I hardly ever get goodnights any more.

I feel like I bore you.

I'm starting to feel like you don't love me.

Sometimes our conversations are great and leave me smiling like nothing's changed.

But I feel like you get annoyed with me now.

And ex messaged me today, and you know what?

He told me he loved me, he told me he missed me. He told me he wanted to be with me.

The most fucked up part? I almost called him Farren every god damn time.

I love you and only want you. But it seems like sometimes you view this and strictly a friendship like we never loved each other.

It hurts and it gives me a headache and as much as I want to cry, and go back into that depressed state I'm staying strong.

I just feel like I'm no longer your anything.

I think you're bipolar honestly.

We can be great in the morning and then you stop answering me mid day and we don't talk till the next day.

Or you can be great in the morning and then have your attitude change and be really short with me.

Before no matter what, I could always count on goodnight texts with an I love you.

No matter what was going on.

No matter what I could always count on my good morning texts.

I'm getting that choking feeling in my throat, but god I'm so tired of crying.

Why are we changing, we had somewhat reached a level of normality.

I'm at a point where I don't even want to write about you anymore. You said you wanted to read this, but you probably never will.

"Silly girl writing about me, how naive of her. Talking about how she's in love with me. Ha! I don't give a rats ass about her anymore."

That would break me.

But you've already done that.

I can feel myself going back to the way I used to be.

The only way to occupy myself away from you. I can't even find solace in books anymore.

You are my every thought.

I hate it.

But I love you.