My Tattooed Tumblr Boy

Day 6

12:51 am

Happy fucking 6 months.

Third night in a row no good night text.

You didn't even talk to me today.

I don't understand, I hope you're okay.

And if you are okay then why the fuck would you not talk to me a whole day? If you needed time you could have let me know.

Because when I don't talk to you for a day you go bat shit and spam me.

The only reason I don't do that is because my insecurities take over and I feel like you don't want me anymore.

4:15 am

Sleep never comes easy to me anymore. I used to lie awake hours on end and think about you. About the first time we met, how it would be. Would I run into your arms, would I be all that you expected.

At night I like to lay in bed and read, and right now I can't help but imagine you laying next to me, sound asleep and me playing with your hair as I read another chapter.

God I love you.

And it's just not going away.

I'm sure one day you'll realize that you could do so much better and when that day comes I'll understand.

You always tell me not to think that way, but the truth is you could do so much better then an over emotional unstable girl like myself.

I love you, but I don't think I can make you happy, and although realizing that hurts I know it's true.

What I wouldn't give for you to love me the same way.

But not everything is that easy.

And I'll fall asleep tonight with the image of you laying in the space next to me, and me kissing your cheek as I turn off the light and put the book away before resting my head on your chest.

God I love you.

What I wouldn't give to actually get to have that moment with you.

But I fear that all this, you, us will ever be is a figment of my imagination. That scares me the most.

12:46 pm

To say I was mad was an understatement.

I woke up to a good morning text.

Why am I so angry you may ask?

Because you can't just avoid me all day yesterday and then text me today like nothing!

Yesterday was important to me, maybe not for you but it was for me.

And especially since he texted me this morning it's pretty clear he was avoiding me yesterday.

How do you think that makes me feel?

Like you could careless, like you just didn't wanna have to deal with the awkwardness of talking to an ex on what would have been your 6 month anniversary.

3:22 pm

I don't know what to do.

He apologized for acting weird lately, but he didn't even mention yesterday.

And maybe if he forgets, maybe it was never that important to him.

And I just can't get that off my mind you know.

That maybe the past 6 months didn't mean as much as I thought.

Even if we aren't together doesn't mean we couldn't have talked about it because had we not broken up for another 6 days we would have made it.

That means the world to me, but maybe it never meant anything to him.

4:05 pm

He asked me what was wrong.

And I said nothing.

He saw right through me and called me out on it.

Saying I was lying which I was, and I told him everything was perfectly fine.

The worst part?

He let it go.

He told me he missed me.

Really you missed me?

Then what's your excuse for yesterday?

Why didn't you talk to me yesterday if you missed me so much?

11:29 pm

It's hard for me to stay mad at you.

I love you so damn much.

And the best part?

You love me too, you've been telling me that more today and it gives me a sense of security.

When we first met you were the biggest flirt I had ever met.

And you've changed since you met me.

Truth be told I've changed too.

I was just as much of a flirt as you were, I just didn't show it.

But you made me want to be a better person.

You told me I was perfect today, and if I'm perfect it's because of you.

You made me so much better. You gave me patience and love.

That's all I ever needed.

I'm not thinking negatively about the future anymore.

When I think of you, I see me and you, sitting on a sofa talking.

Walking hand in hand down the streets.

Smiling at each other while eating dinner.

In everything I do, I see you.