The Goblin's Throne

Chapter Twenty One: Guilt

I chuckled at her obvious glee. "It's about time."

Aurora was practically strutting down the palace halls and walkways as we made our way to the garden. She carried Neasa on her hip and met every shocked stare and disgusted sneer with a grin. 

"Who's little girl is that?" Many people asked, never looking Neasa directly in the eyes.

Each time Aurora didn't even pause. "She's mine."

Neasa's face was all bright sunshine when we finally came to the garden and Aurora sat her down in the grass. She took a few steps forward on her awkward, twisted legs. Liber walked behind her, ready to catch her when she fell. I was reminded again of Knut, carefully following behind the boys as they attempted their first steps. I turned away from them to lay a blanket out and set up the picnic we'd packed so they wouldn't see how my lips trembled.

Neasa sat in her mother's lap as she ate a bundle of grapes. Her face was flushed pink from play and Liber had decorated her hair with small flowers. If only her body matched her face, I had no doubt she would have one day been a beauty without equal. She would have even put me to shame. I tried to imagine what she would look like as an adult if I didn't kill her, but try as I might, I couldn't. She didn't exist in any future I could think of. I sometimes tried to do the same for my sons. In my mind, they turned out more handsome than I knew was realistically likely. Their looks didn't matter to me, it was their personalities I was most curious to see. Who a person is tends to change depending on their experiences. After all of this, who would they become?

"Ma Tilda, are you okay?" Neasa's small voice brought me out of my thoughts. She was looking at me with big eyes, one cheek full of grapes. "You look sad. Are you missing your little boys?"

"I'm fine, don't worry about me," I assured her shakily. "Are you having fun, Neasa?" I asked her.

She smiled at me. Her hair blew around her face in pale tendrils. The sunlight brought out the ring of gold in her strange eyes. She bobbed her head. "I like it out here. I hope we come to play outside again." 

Aurora gave her a squeeze and kissed the top of her head. "We will, Sweetie, we will. I'm not going to keep you locked up anymore." She was looking at me as she gave her daughter that uncertain promise. She knew that she may very well not be able to keep it, but I'd never seen Aurora so happy. 

Liber directed our attention back towards the palace. "Take a look up there. Seems word has gotten around."

Aurora and I looked up towards a balcony overlooking the garden. Titania and Lysander were standing there. Lysander was leaning over the railing, just looking out over the garden. Titania stood beside him, her hand gripping a pillar. She was glaring daggers down at us, not at me or even Aurora, but Neasa, as if she were a monster at her door. 

As soon as she realized she'd been caught, Titania and Lysander exchanged words, then she stormed away, disappearing back into the palace. Lysander stayed. His eyes focused, turning towards me, meeting my own. I quickly turned away.

When we were done eating, Aurora and I sat back and watched Liber and Neasa play by a cool pool, splashing each other. I withdrew into myself, thinking pleasant thoughts of cool dark rooms and the smell of earth. It was so hot here I felt like I was constantly melting and I was so sick of flowers I was sure that I would burn every piece of clothing that bore them. Once I was home, I was going to purge all memory of The Summer Branches. 

Just a few more days and the nightmare would be over. I'd be back in my own bed, surrounded by snoring boys and Knut's arms around me. I wondered what they were doing now, if they were as excited for my return as I was.