silent tears (jian)

holding me together

kian lawley
after jc and i had calmed down he started to ask the questions that i knew i'd have to answer eventually.

"how did they know?" he whispered, somewhat talking to himself.
"when i was in the wreck, they said they found something abnormal. they took a test but never told me they thought it was cancer. they said they'd call soon." i said looking down. i felt jcs hand grab mine.
"okay, your mom needs to know." he said thinking seriously.
"no jc, i'm supposed to out live her. she can't know there's a chance i won't out live her. that's the worse thing to say to a mom." kian said tears spilling.
"okay but it's also bad to not tell her. she's your mother kian." kian nodded, he knew jc was right but how do you tell someone news like this?

jc and i were sitting down together as we listened to the phone ringing waiting on my mother to answer. tears were already in my eyes, how do you tell the woman who raised you, the first person you ever loved that you're sick? her happy voice interrupted my thoughts.

"kian, baby, how are you?" she asked happily. i lost it. i just sobbed loudly.

"kian, kian, honey, what's wrong?" she was worried, who wouldn't be.

"i need you." they were the only three words that i could say.

"i'm on my way. baby, is jc there?" she asked, i could hear her moving around.

"yes." i whispered and 9i buried myself into jc's shoulder.

"mrs. lawley, he's okay, we just need to tell you something and i don't believe we should do this over the phone." jc talked for me as i cried.

"give me an hour, i'm on the way. i love you two." she said.

"we love you."

...

an hour and a half later, jc had helped me control my tears and we talked about how it was gonna go. my mom walked through the door. she had been crying and as soon as she saw me she held me. we stood in the middle of room hugging for what seemed like forever.

"kian, what's going on?" she asked pulling away from the hug.

"mom, you should sit." i watched her sit down and jc excused himself, grabbing his keys and whispering goodbye and that he loved me while he hugged me.

I walked over to my mom after he left. she was concerned, i felt my stomach drop. i had to tell her, i needed to. she knows what to do, she knows what to say.

"mom, i love you so much, you have no clue. i have to tell you and this is the most difficult thing in the world. nothing could ever prepare me to have to do this. mom, when i got into the accident with bobby, they found an abnormality in my stomach. they had to test it, so i have been waiting to hear back. well they called the other morning and said that they regret to inform me that it came back positive. mom, i-i have cancer." as the words spilled from my mouth, more tears fell. i watched as her face fell and tears formed in her eyes.

"kian, oh my god. come here baby." she whispered as she pulled me towards her. we just cried, crying had seem to be all i do now.

"i love you so much and we are going to push through this. kian, you are the strongest person i know." she said as she held my face.

"what if i die?" i whispered, i felt so small. i felt like a child who had disappointed their mother.

"kian, you can't think like that, to get through this you need to think positive." she said and kissed my head.

"i'm here for you, jc is here for you, we are all here for you. you are not going through this alone."

"i love you so much mom." i said smiling.

"i love you more, so much more." we sat on the couch together for a while. jc finally returned home.

"jc, protect my baby." my mom said as she hugged him. she had to leave because of work in the morning, she wanted to stay with me but i told her to go. she can't put her life on pause for me.

"i will, with everything i have." jc walked towards me and held me. he was holding me together and i could never think him enough for that.

...

i have gone for so long. i am so sorry. life has been insane, i start college in less than a month. here's another sad chapter. this book is growing which is insane. i never thought it would get so many reads, i hope you guys are enjoying, expect more chapters soon.

- gabrielle