Affection // irwin

Chapter 20

“I thought we could take a walk or something, not end up at the hospital,” he chuckles lightly as he helps me stand up straight. His arms still around me.

“Did you know it was Valentine’s Day?” I ask as we step out of Sunday’s after leaving the mess and my apron to Yolanda. 

“Not until I came to work today. It’s not really my thing.”

“So you never,” I try to find the right words for it, “…celebrate it?”

“Celebrate it? There’s nothing to celebrate. I thought Yolanda told you how I felt about it?” He frowns.

“She did, but have you ever done it then?”

He shakes his head and kicks a small stone in front of him. We walk next to each other around the block, my arm touching his. I want to take his hand in mine again, like we did yesterday but I’m too scared. We’re not alone here. People can see us. The street is quite busy and I see couples everywhere. There are hearts and chocolate and teddy bears in almost every shop window and I roll my eyes. It really is just a stupid holiday thing. Who buys a 10 pound chocolate heart or a teddy bear, as big as themselves? The only time I got something for Valentine’s Day was when I was a little kid and mom bought me vanilla hearts. I think that’s when my love for vanilla started.

Ashton’s phone starts ringing but he doesn’t answer it. He just looks at the screen, rolls his eyes and puts it back into his pocket. I know who it is. The unread text messages are probably from her too. I’m not gonna say her name because I don’t want her to ruin this. I hope neither does he, or else he would have answered it. Instead we start talking about nothing and everything, again, which is my new favorite topic. 

“How about dreams? Do you have anything you wanna do before you die?” I ask him.

“Hmm, that’s a tough one. I want to go to space one day, I think I told you and we made plans. Maybe I just dreamt it. Other than that, I really want to go sky diving and go to Italy.”

You didn’t dream it, Ashton. I would got to space with you at this very moment if I could.

“Why Italy?”

“Because of the food. Hello, land of spaghetti? But also to see the Leaning Tower of Pisa, because you know, it’s leaning,” he chuckles, still as adorable as the first time.

“Italian food is the best, next to pancakes.”

He nudges my arm at my comment.

“What about you?”

I knew he would ask me that question in the first place. This is another reason why I hate starting a conversation – you always get your question asked back.

“It’s silly. You’re just gonna laugh.”

“I promise I won’t laugh.”

We’ve stopped outside of Sunday’s and I have no idea how we managed to get back here. I look at my watch and realize we’ve been walking for 2 hours.

“It’s not a dream, it’s just…what I want in the future. I have no plans for the future but there is one thing I want to be.”

I feel ready to tell Ashton this. This that I have held in for so long. It’s a very common thing, everybody wants it, but this is the only thing I want. I don’t want any fancy cars or a trip to some exotic island.

“And what is it that you want to be?”

“Happy. I want to be happy.”

He looks down on me. His hazel eyes sparkling as he slowly nods, taking my words in.