F*ck Fate! (Book 3)

Chapter Four: Life All Alone

Andy

I couldn't concentrate for the rest of the day, which became a serious problem in my creative writing class after lunch. All I could think about was Shawn and his klutzy actions and stupid little grin. And those green eyes. Damn, those eyes were something else.

"Mr. Williams," my professor called from the front of the room. "Are you paying attention?"

I quickly nodded my head. "Of course. Sorry."

She crossed her arms over her chest, disapprovingly. "Then please share the poem that you should have written for today's class."

I cleared my throat. Poetry wasn't my strongest genre - not by a long shot - but I had written it, and now I needed to share it. Without moving to the front of the class like all my peers were required to do, since there was no way to get my chair up there, I stayed where I was. I then cleared my throat one more time before I read.

I've always hated sharing my work out loud. I hated the way my voice sounded, especially since I was never super confident in my writing ability anyway. But I read it and my classmates all snapped their fingers appropriately when I finished.

"Thank you," Professor Randell said, before calling on the next student to read her work.

By the time everyone had read their poems and we had critiqued a few of them as a class, it was almost time for us to leave. Of course, before she dismissed us, Professor Randell assigned us another poem to write for our next class - this time a love poem.

I sighed, putting my notebook back into my backpack. If there was one type of writing I disliked more than general poetry, it was romantic poetry. Sure, I understood the concept of wanting to share with the word how much you love someone, or how your heart was broken into a thousand tiny fragments, but it didn't need to be done in poetry form, where meanings are hidden - if there at all - and proper grammar and punctuation don't have to exist. Poetry was a lawless genre.

Once everyone had left the classroom, I made my own exit. I didn't know where exactly I was heading, though. I had nothing left to do for the day, but I wasn't sure I was ready to go back home just yet. Going home meant sitting alone as I decided on what healthy thing to make for dinner and getting started on the homework assignment I didn't want to do. It didn't sound like too much fun at the moment.

Days like today, I wished I had more friends. Kat was great, she really was. But when she was off having date-night with Joey, I was left alone. I didn't blame her either - how could I? Just because she was my only friend didn't mean that I was her only friend. Sometimes I tagged along with her and her other friends, but I've always felt awkward around them, whether it was the wheelchair or me being gay, I still haven't figured out. I would ask Kat about it, but I didn't need her picking sides between them and me. It wasn't too much of an issue to bother her with.

Eventually, I decided it was probably best to head home. I didn't have my wallet, so what else could I do without it on me? Going home would allow me to change into more comfortable clothes and maybe even watch a few episodes of something tonight. I didn't need to start my homework right away, right?

My apartment wasn't too far from campus, easy walking - well, rolling - distance. I could also take the public bus, but I usually saved that for days with bad weather, or when I had my wallet to be able to pay the fare. It wasn't worth the hassle otherwise. 

A cold breeze blew past me and I paused a moment to zip up my windbreaker. Winter was definitely on its way. It was the one season that always caused me problems. Too much snow and ice.

I continued down the sidewalk, grateful to the people who moved out of my way. It sort of bothered me when people gave me a wide berth when I was out in public - it's not like I had the plague or something they can catch - but at the same time, it was extremely troublesome trying to politely ask someone who couldn't care to take a step back to let me pass by. They're usually the ones who think I'm the entitled one asking them to put their whole lives on hold just so I can have my way. All I want to do is get home, lady, that's all. Why couldn't people look past the chair for once and see me as a normal person, just trying to live my life as normally as possible?

Eventually, I made it back to my apartment with - thankfully - no stuck-up people to deal with. I unlocked the door and pushed it open before making my way into my little home.

I dropped my keys onto the little table next to the door as I continued down the short hall to the kitchen. I lived alone, which did get lonely more often than not. Once a week, the woman my parents hired came by with groceries and cleaned up the place a bit, but it's not like we hung out together. Rita was an older woman, having picked up this little job after retiring from her many years at a bank for some extra money to spend on her grandchildren. She and I didn't have too much in common, to say the least, although she was a very nice woman.

I stared into the fridge, not particularly in the mood for anything that was in there. After the lunch I had, I should be craving something healthy - fruits, vegetables, anything without all that grease. Yet I couldn't shake the feeling that I wanted to go back to the fast food place, if only for another look at that klutzy cashier's green eyes again.

With a sigh, I closed the fridge door and rolled myself back a bit. My eyes landed on my wallet sitting on the counter. Of course I had left it here this morning. And to think, if I had brought it, I never would have met Shawn.

I couldn't figure out why he was still on my mind. From the brief encounter with him, I could tell he was quirky and blunt, not to mention attractive. And yet, despite knowing nothing would ever happen between us (he's declaration of "I have a girlfriend" still echoing in my head), I wanted to know him better, as a person. Was that such a bad thing?