F*ck Fate! (Book 3)

Chapter Twenty: Slowly Figuring Him Out

Andy

I felt like it was my fault. I don't know how, but I must have done something to make Shawn run out of here like that.

The movie was still playing, so I grabbed the remote and turned it off. There was no point in watching the rest of it now that he left; I've seen it enough times to know how it ends.

What I didn't know was what was going to happen next between Shawn and me. Was this it for us? One make out session and three-quarters of a movie? I didn't want that to be it. For a second, I thought that it was the beginning of something great. Now, I wasn't so sure.

That kiss was definitely something else. I've never felt so much chemistry in one kiss before. Hell, that was more than just a kiss. I can't imagine he didn't feel it too.

I spent the rest of the day inside, not focused on the homework I should have been focused on. Kat even came over after our class that I missed, since I had informed her of Shawn's leaving. She told me the same thing she's been telling me - to let him go and move on. He wasn't worth it.

Except everything in me was telling me he was.

By the time dinner rolled around, I wasn't hungry for anything I had in my fridge. I had a strong suspicion it had everything to do with Shawn still being the only thing on my mind. It didn't help that I knew he'd be working tonight.

I shouldn't show up there, though. He'd feel like I was trying to corner him, which wouldn't necessarily be true. Sure, he wouldn't be able to get away from me, but it's not like he'd be able to talk either. I didn't want to scare him or freak him out.

Eventually, I decided my need for food was greater than worrying about what Shawn thought of me right now. I definitely shouldn't be eating the crap that he sells, but every once in a while wasn't going to kill me.

By the time I got to the restaurant, the sun had mostly set and the temperature had significantly dropped from earlier in the day. I should have brought a thicker jacket, but it was too late for that now.

Shawn was at the register, like always. He didn't see me at first, since he was helping another customer. He was the only cashier tonight it seemed, so I waited my turn, looking up at the menu even though I already knew what I'd be getting.

"Shawn, take your break after you're done here."

I looked up to see a kid coming out of the back. He was the one who had just spoken to Shawn. The kid tied his apron around his back as he walked over to another register.

"I can help you, sir," the kid said, looking at me.

I shook my head at being called sir. I wasn't that much older than him. But I headed over anyway, somehow making eye contact with Shawn as I went.

"I'm good for now, Franky," Shawn said. "I'll wait."

The kid - Franky - shook his head. "Lisa said to go now. I got this covered." Then he turned to me. "Hi, sorry about that. What can I get you?"

After I had finished ordering my food, Shawn had already disappeared into the back. Franky handed me my receipt, telling me he'd bring me my food when it was ready.

"Can I ask you a quick question?" I asked.

"Sure."

"Shawn is a... friend of mine. I couldn't help but overhear that he's on his break now. Is there any way he could join me for my dinner? I don't know if that's allowed or not."

The kid smiled. "Yeah, sure. I'll go tell him you're waiting."

I thanked him before heading over to a table to wait. I was hoping he wouldn't ignore me, but that was probably what he'd do. I couldn't not ask if he could come out. It was just too perfect timing not to.

A minute later, Shawn pulled out the chair across the table from me and sat, his arms crossed over his chest. "What the hell do you want from me?" he asked, obviously not in a great mood. I shouldn't have come here.

"I was hungry," I joked. He didn't even crack a smile. "Okay, honestly, I wanted to apologize to you. What happened earlier - maybe you were right to leave like that, we shouldn't have done it. I guess we just got carried away. And if I pushed you too far, then I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "You didn't have to come all the way here to say that, you know," he said. "You could have just texted me or something."

"Says the one who doesn't answer his texts." I chuckled. He didn't. "Okay, look," I said, trying a different angle. "I really do like you, Shawn. As hard as I try to stay away or stop thinking about you, you are the only thought in my mind most days. I can't help it."

Shawn shook his head slowly. I felt like I crossed a line by saying that, but I didn't regret it, because the words were true.

"You don't understand, Andy," he said. "I have so many problems. I hate who I turn into when I like a guy, which is why I can't let myself like you. I'm just going to end up being mean to everyone around me. Probably you, too."

I know he had mentioned that once before, but I finally realized what might be causing it. "Have you ever liked a guy smaller than you?" I had noticed earlier, during the movie, that if I could stand, I'd be taller than Shawn, and I definitely had more muscle than he did.

"No."

I hesitated before answering, which gave Franky just enough time to come over and put down my food and leaving without hearing what we were talking about.

"Do you feel like you're not the so-called 'guy' in your relationships, then? Is that why you get so mean, to assert a sense of dominance or something?"

Instead of answering me, or even thinking about the question for more than a second, Shawn stood up. "I have to get back to work."

I knew that was a lie - we had only been sitting here for barely five minutes. But I didn't question it as I watched him walk into the back. I felt like I was getting closer to understanding him, but I knew I'd have a lot more work ahead of me before he accepted the fact that he liked me back.