What Did I Do Wrong? (A Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

Chapter 13

I got home an hour later than usual and immediately went into my bedroom and collapsed on my bed. I buried my head into my pillow. I noticed a blinking light coming from my laptop. I had a Skype request. I knew it was from Harry before I even checked the screen. This was a moment in my life where I had to make the decision between doing what is easy and doing what is necessary. Doing what is necessary would make both of our lives, soon to be separate, better in the long run. I felt more tears form in the corner of my eye. I didn’t want this to happen, and I certainly didn’t want it to happen like this. I brought my laptop closer to me and lifted the screen. The Skype window opened and I saw Harry’s smiling face looking back at me. The moment he saw me the cheer evaporated from his eyes.

            “What’s the matter darling?” he inquired.

            “I just had a rough day.”

            “Do you want to talk about it?”

            “No, Harry. I don’t want to talk about it.” I felt like being rude to him would be easier for the two of us.

            “Are you sure babe? You’re so upset.”

            “No I don’t. Stop calling me babe. I’m not your babe.”

            “What do you mean?”

            “You don’t know me and I don’t know you. What this thing is between us is weird. Ever since you abruptly came into my life I’ve been tortured non-stop. I’m tired of coming home every single day in tears. I wish I never went backstage with you or answered your text messages or talked to you. That was a stupid decision on my part. I just wish I could erase the past month of my life and re-do it. Re-do it without you.”

            “So what are you saying,” he sounded more hurt than angry. I heard the tremble in his voice as he anticipated what I was going to say next.

            “I...I just...I want...ugh I don’t know! I’m just tired of hurting!” I could still change my mind. It wasn’t too late. I didn’t have to do this.

            “B—Regina, I didn’t mean to hurt you—“

            “You haven’t. Everyone else has because of you. You’re my biggest regret.” Stop brain, said my heart, I don’t want to.

            “Why are you saying all this? Where did this come from? We had such a nice weekend together...” he sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

            “I just think we should stop talking.” No brain. This is horrid take the words back. Rewind time. Do something brain. My heart was breaking.

            “Regina.”

            “Stop it Harry—“

            “No you stop it and fucking listen to me!” he shouted. I have never heard him shout before. “I’ve been nothing but kind and considerate towards your feelings trying to make this easiest for you always thinking about you and this is the shit you do to me? You give me what frankly was the most amazing weekend in such a long time and then tell me I’m your biggest regret? What are you playing at? I care so much about you and it pains me to see you cry like this and to think it’s my fault kills me inside. To hear you say you don’t want anything to do with me just...don’t tell me you don’t want to see me anymore. Don’t tell me you’re your breaking this off.”

            “Breaking what off? We have nothing.” Your lying to yourself, said my heart.

            “That’s bullshit and you know it. You’re right, you’re not my girlfriend but why does everything have to be labeled in black and white. You’re a special person in my life. Isn’t that enough? You’re not nothing to me. We have something. We’ve proven that we have something.”

            “I’m not special. We have nothing,” Lies. So many lies.

            “Stop it. You’re special to me. I fell hard for you  and I don’t care that we barely know each other. I care too much about you to let you quit on me. I won’t let you…”

            “Harry.”

            “What?”

            “Don’t ca—“I felt the tears start up again. I didn’t want to do this. Stop it brain. “Don’t call me or text me or skype me or message me or anything. I’m done with this, I’m done crying.” That was the first time I saw Harry Styles cry. It wasn’t a sob, just a few tears falling solemnly down his face.

            “Fine. If that’s what you really want. That’s what I’ll give you. I care about your feelings more than my own.”

            “It is. It’s what I really want.” More lies.

            “Fuck you Regina. Fuck you.” The screen went black. I was so numb I couldn’t tell whether he hit disconnect or I did. That was it. My sex scandal, fascination, and overall relationship with Harry Styles was over. As quickly and wonderfully as it started it ended just as quickly and equally miserably. I felt an immediate emptiness inside, The warmth and comfortable feeling that Harry supplied me with, the feeling I had become addicted to, had vanished completely. All of the pain from my tormentors and neglect from my mother flushed over me. I couldn’t cry anymore, I was dried up. I just sat there, staring at the black screen that a smile and dimples once inhabited.

            I didn’t sleep that night. I clutched my phone in my hands debating with myself whether or not to call Harry. There was a stream of endless thoughts about him going through my head. They were so constant that I couldn’t distinguish when one ended and another began. It started with wanting to call Harry, wanting to call him and apologize. Then it morphed into realizing he would never forgive me. Then into thinking he would because I was aware of how much he cared about me, as odd as it seemed. A glimmer of hope would rest in my brain before being extinguished by a revival of the conversation Bella and I had. As much as I truly hated to admit it, Harry was better off without me. He didn’t need somebody holding him back.