What Did I Do Wrong? (A Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

Chapter 7

That Saturday I decided to blow off some friends and give myself a personal day. I rode my bicycle to a local park and walked around on the path for a bit, stopping to buy an ice cream at a vendor. I planted myself on a bench that faced a playground and enjoyed my vanilla chocolate swirl. I watched all of the children play. They had created this game they called “sharks and dolphins” the boys were the sharks and the girls were the dolphins. They would chase each other. Just chase. When did the simple life of a child become a complicated life of sexual relationships and hurt feelings. I missed my innocence. I couldn’t even pretend that it still existed like I could a week ago. In my mind, I was officially a grown up. Not because I slept with someone, but because I am feeling the consequences and dealing with them, being responsible for my actions. The twenty-five year old club rats that are with a different guy every night never to know to their names or speak to them again aren’t grown ups, they are just adults. Adulthood is your age, maturity is how you behave, and being a grown up is applying both and living with them. Congratulations Regina, you are now a grown up. I didn’t want my vanilla chocolate swirl anymore.

When I got home I had a Skype request waiting for me on my computer from Harry. We had exchanged usernames earlier in the week. I never thought he would actually use it though. I clicked the accept button and Harry’s dimples and smile showed up on my screen.

            “Hey beautiful,” he said.

            “Hi there stranger,” I returned.

            “You alright, you seem a bit off.”

            “No, I’m just tired is all.”

            “School been rough?”

            “Yeah, just a bit ...” I felt the tears start. I hated crying. I felt weak, “... and allergies as well are pretty bad...”

            “Anything I can do to help out?”

            I sniffed.

            “No, not really. Is there any reason you called?” I felt like I was rude.

            “I just missed seeing you honestly. It’s been a week since I’ve seen your eyes.”

            “They haven’t changed, don’t worry,” I laughed a smiled at him.

            “Why would they? They are perfect just the way they are.” He winked at me.

            “Yours aren’t so bad either,” I joked.

            “They’re a bit oddly shaped don’t you think?”

            “Maybe, but who cares? Perfection is boring.”

            “Are you trying to say I’m boring?” He chuckled a bit as he raised his chin to give himself a god-like appearance, similar to the kind you see in oil painting from the Renaissance era.

            “Oh, look who’s all high and mighty?” we both laughed. My jubilance was cut by his intense stare. The silence between us wasn’t awkward like most, but lovely.

            “We’re doing a show in Philadelphia next week, any chance you can come, free from charge of course.”

            “Harry, do you really think that’s a good idea considering what’s been going on?”

            “No, I suppose not…” Harry’s head fell slowly as he talked “…I just wish I could see you again. I want to get to know you better.” I saw the tenderness in Harry’s eyes and heard the sincerity in his voice. It was in that moment that I realized what Harry was to me. He was someone who made the hurt and pain and low self esteem and the unbelievable amount of haze across my mind, preventing me from understanding the people or things in my life and made me hate the world, vanish. When we spoke, even for those few moments, I didn’t feel the golf ball in my throat or the tears in my eyes. I felt an overwhelming sense of warmth and desire that reminded me of a summer afternoon when the sun is in the perfect position that it warms you but provides shade to keep cool. That’s what Harry did. He kept me cool.

            “I’d like to come.”

            “Are you sure, I don’t want to make you. Not if you think it will cause trouble.”

            “We just have to be careful no one knows I am there.”

            “I’ll have security escort and what not. We can sneak you through the back entrance of the venue.”

            “Alright, that’ll do.” Harry nodded his head sharply as though he was proud of making arrangements for me. Our conversation lasted into the early hours of the morning and only ended because of me falling asleep. When I woke up, I still felt the warmth Harry left me with the night before.

That night at Sunday dinner I told my mother I would be sleeping over Bella’s house on Friday and possibly Saturday as well. My mother never liked the idea of me spending two nights at someone’s house, but ever since she learned of what nearly everyone in the pop culture world thought I had done, she didn’t cared, about neither me nor what I did. Harry would send for a car to pick me up at Friday morning. I would act as if I would be leaving for school, but in reality I would walk two blocks to where the car would be. This was a new side of me. I was never the girl who snuck out to meet boys or slept with strangers, but now suddenly I was. As ashamed as I am to admit it, I liked it. I found a strange sort of addiction to keeping secrets and lying to the public about my life. There was no need to lie anymore. Everyone knew and I was getting teased no matter what I said, so I might as well tell the truth. But I didn’t want to. The rush of sneaking around and lying was too sickeningly devious to give up.