a few words that haunt me, or maybe taunt me?

a trip that still haunts me

WARNING: this contains a trigger warning or more
this story involves sexual harassment so if you're easily triggered by this or uncomfortable please do not read for i do not want to cause any discomfort to you, thank you.

"i wasn't in the right mind and you knew that
but i didn't know you would even think of doing this."

i was young, you were old.
you weren't my uncle but you were still close like family.
my cousin knew you from his psychology class
funny how you learned how people suffer from traumatic events and the side effects to the victim.
i guess i was your victim in your experiment.
we thought you were harmless, i thought you were caring.
don't judge a book by its cover. ever.
the first time was at your house
splashing in the water of your man-made pool,
which made me wonder if the water was filled by girl's cries of help and water from their tears.
you grabbed my hips hard and pulled me closer to your unknowns, whispered how tasty i looked.
what does that even mean?
after that night you were unknown to me and i kept my distance from you.
the second time was 2 months later
we still saw each other since i never told anyone what happened.
so you were still kind and caring to them but to me you a creep in college.
we were all at a campsite, i agreed cause they told me you weren't coming.
last minute you came and it was too late.
all of us were drinking
you knew i was getting closer to losing any sense of reality.
i guess you loss all of sense of mortality when you touched me.
i felt you stare all night it made me sick, feeling the vomit of regret coming i turned in for the night.
i asked my cousin to protect me cause he could sense my fear of you coming closer.
he told you to lay off, which you did. 
at least we thought you did.
in my sleep, you came into my tent
unzip the door and also my pants
pulled them down and tried to take advantage
kissing my neck with your lips,
changed soon as soon as i felt your hands wrapped around.
pushing with my might, and trying to scream
but i couldn't breathe.
then i felt you get removed off of me with a force of my cousin.
i don't remember much of that night besides what they told me and what the bruises showed.
my mind may not remember but my body does.
i still suffer because of you.
i thought i knew you, so why did you even imagine doing this to a girl who was 6 years younger than you.