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Chapter 12

I had everything prepared. I had my scissors, simply so the newly made cuts would bother me and remind me of how hopeless I will ever me. I had my rag so that I could suffocate myself. In case that didn't work, I had pills so that I could overdose on them. If that didn't work, I had my noose connected to my ceiling fan, and that was most definitely going to work.

It was really the best option.

Okay, it definitely isn't the best option, but I had no other choice. It was the best option I had, as grave as it was. Besides, I had no other choice. I had to do it.

If you took a look at it, it was messy sight. I'll be honest with you. My face was red and puffy, things were broken and thrown all over my bedroom floor. The floor was covered in blood and salty tears. It doesn't seem possible, but I cry a lot.

It seemed bad, but honestly, it was just another one of those nights. It would be about two in the morning, I would suddenly realize how worthless I am, I would cry, I would throw things on the floor, some blood would spill—it was all a part of my regular schedule.

This time, it was different, though. Tonight, it was finally going to be over.

I grabbed everything I needed for tonight. I was bleeding and crying, but I was calm enough to do everything correctly. I was ready.

I was just about to do it when my phone started beeping at an alarming rate.

if you do it, i'll do it, too.

I stopped.

For the first time ever, I stopped crying at two in the morning.

i swear, lucas robert, if you don't answer this call this very fucking second, i'm going to do it, too.

YOU BETTER ANSWER THE FUCKING CALL!

'Incoming Skype call from Calum Hood.'

I wiped my tears from my face, and I pressed the button, answering the call.

"I wake up, and this is what I see."

I couldn't bring myself to make eye contact with Calum, but I observed his face nonetheless. His cheeks were puffy, and they looked wet. I saw the tears streaming down his face. His hair was a mess. I finally brought myself to look him in the eye, and he let out a sob.

"Luke, why would you do this?" he said as he cried.

"There was no other way," I murmured.

"Of course there's a way! There's always a way out, Luke!"

"I'm sorry," I whimpered.

Calum ran his hands through his hair. "How could someone so beautiful do this to themselves?" he whispered.

"I'm sorry," I choked out. I had started to cry again. I made Calum cry! I'm a terrible person...

"You have nothing to apologize for," Calum said softly. "I just wish I could've done something."

"You couldn't," I said with a shake of my head. "I would have brought you down with me, and I would never forgive myself for that."

Calum chuckled bitterly. "If anything, Luke, I would have brought you down with me. I'm pretty low." He looked down at his lap. "To be honest, I'm not even sure why you're friends with me..."

"I wonder why you're friends with me," I said with a sad smile. "You're such an amazing person, Calum. You're too good for me. You're so happy, you're so nice, and—well, let's face it, Cal, you're hot as hell, and you've got the most amazing personality... How can you stand being friends with someone like me?"