Another Moment Passing by...

Chapter 10: I don't wanna talk about it.

“I’m going to isolate, listen to some music,” I announced, avoiding responding to Harry’s request as I retreated up to my room. Once I reach the top of the steps I heard their hushed mumbles. By the way their voices grew quieter and they only began talking once they assumed I was out of ear shot, I knew their conversation was about me.

I entered my room and shut the door, trying to not slam it in frustration. I was glad Julia was in Louis’ room instead of vice versa, because I seriously needed my alone time to drown myself in music and think. I retrieved my violet IPod from its hiding place under my pillow, plugging in the white headphones and scrolling through my songs. I decided on Rescue Me by Hawthorne Heights, blasting the volume to a dangerous notch but not caring.Let the music blast out my ears for all I care, I thought bitterly. Quite frankly, all I wanted to do was play my music so loud I forgot about life and what was going on, forget about everything but the heavy base and the steady drums. I was barely hearing the words; the only phrase that gestured was the repetitive “Rescue me, from everything.” That was how I felt in that moment, that I just wanted someone to save me. Preferably Harry.

I rolled my thumb clockwise, blasting his name out of my head. Well, trying to at least. But it didn’t seem possible. His name pounded in my skull with every clash of the cymbals, every strum of the guitar, every note belted just screamed Harry. I shut my eyes and grabbed the sheets, grasping them so tightly I felt my palms begin to perspire. I didn’t even care. I didn’t care about anything. I didn’t care about the pain in my head that worsened with every rhythmic thud, I didn’t care about the buzzing that I was experiencing in my skull, I didn’t care about the pain in my fists from being clenched so hard, and I didn’t care about the tears that brewed behind my closed eyelids. The only pain I could bring myself to care about my was the lack of pain in my chest, the numb sensation I was experiencing from the knowledge that was not in fact mine at all, that that was just a thought my stupid little hope had conjured up. Why do I want him so badly? I wondered. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn’t even notice the state I was in until my right headphone was violently unplugged from my ear.

My green eyes flashed up in surprise as I whipped my head to the right, blinking rapidly so the blurriness of Jesse’s pitiful figure would go away. Ugh, I hate pity, I thought. “You’ll blast your ear drums out, babe,” Jesse informed me, smiling at me knowingly. Then I realized the moisture in my eyes. I quickly rubbed the tears away and wiped them off of my heated cheeks.

“You sound like my mom,” I grumbled jokingly, pausing the song which had shuffled to Dead by my favorite band ever, My Chemical Romance. He smirked a bit before sitting cross legged across from me on my bed. I hugged my knees to my chest, looking at him expectantly. His practically black eyes studied me for a moment which made me very uncomfortable; I hate when people stare at me. “What?” I demanded, probably a bit too harshly. He held up his hands in mock defense.

“Whoa girl, if you’re on your period at least warn me,” he joked. I rolled my eyes, grinning a bit. I swear Jesse would probably be the only one besides Harry who would be able to get me to smile at a time like this.

“Don’t worry, that’s next week,” I joked. Although it was true… anyway, moving on. He shook his head at me before continuing.

“Well, period cycles aside, I came up here to tell you that you should probably stop being so obvious,” he teased with a wink. I blushed slightly and gave him a confused face, pretending I didn’t know what he was talking about. He gave me a look and I sighed.

“Do you think he knows?” I asked cautiously, feeling like an idiot for letting myself slip up earlier.

“I’m not sure,” he shrugged. “He’d have to be pretty blind to not notice, but then again it’s hard to tell how bright that boy is,” he joked. I smirked and let out a single humorless laugh. “I don’t think he really likes that Veronica slut,” he said after a moment, sparking up my hope as I giggled.