The Playboy's Dancer

Chapter 27

Chapter 27

{Rose}
     Kaz puts our luggage in the trunk of his car and I get in on the passenger side of the car. He gets in on the driver's side and starts to pull out of the parking lot and onto the street. I relax into the seat and roll down the window slightly to feel the cool breeze. "You okay Rose? And I mean, like really okay?" Kaz asks as he keeps driving and I sigh as I look out the window. "I don't wanna talk about it Kaz." I reply and he groans as he rolls his eyes. "Well you either talk to me, or as an employee of mine, I make you go and get evaluated by a shrink." He says and I glare at him. "You bastard." I mumble loud enough for him to hear and he shrugs his shoulders. "I may very well be, but I have to make sure you're okay mentally as well. That means talking out everything that's been bothering you." He says and I say as I cuddle into my oversized hoodie I got from Hot Topic. 

     "Well...when I was in that room with Gage I was so angry. I kept kicking, kicking, and kicking him, but a part of me wanted to do more. I wanted to kill him, to make him suffer like I did. I wanted to take out all of my pint up rage on him, and I was going to. I still  want to....I feel like I have to so that I'll be able to feel better. For ten months he was my everything, my best friend, my headache, my movie buddy, my little nerd, and now all I can think about is the stress he caused me. I'd wake up at him screaming at him to stop hurting me, to help me....those were the nights that I'd pull my own hair up because of nightmares. Gage went from someone that I used to love, to someone I feel like I have to kill just to feel the same. I wanna let him go but I feel like I can't because he's the last good thing that happened to me before my mom passed...that wound still cuts deep. I don't know how to make myself feel better. 

     "And I hate talking about it because I sound obsessed...I am in a way, but I don't need some stranger commenting on it. I've never been close to anyone the way I was with my mom. She was my best friend and now I'm stuck wandering this earth without her. Looking at something that reminds me of her and having a complete mental breakdown because I can't cope with the fact that my mother isn't here with me. She's not here with me to silently judge people, judge her coworkers, do something my dad wouldn't approve of then laugh about it. She's not here for any of it and it's killing me on the inside....I lost a part of myself the day that she died. I still haven't been able to cope with it." I say as I wipe the tears free falling down my face. "Ever since she died.....I've been catching myself thinking 'What if I walked into oncoming traffic? What if I fell off of this cliff?' What if I ate this bullet?' I'd do all of those things just to be with her.  

     I finally stop my flowing tears and sigh as I lean my head on the dashboard. "How long have you been feeling like that?" Kaz asks and I shrug as I watch the other cars drive by carelessly. "Ever since my mother's funeral." I reply as I keep watching the cars flow by like a river. "Why didn't you tell anyone?" He asks and I laugh dryly as I look at him. "Because you can't put those emotions into words.....they sound crazy if you haven't experienced that type of loss yourself. And besides....no one ever notices a suicidal person unless they make themselves known, do they? You would've never known if I hadn't had told you because no one ever knows to look. It's not like I'm in the business of telling everyone my personal business nor thoughts." I tell him as I finally will my eyes to meet him. His expression is...hurt and broken. "Now why do you look like that? You don't have anything to feel sad about." I say to him as I become slightly aware that I'm taking on a Joker-esque thought mentality. 

     "Why do I look like this? Because the love of my life is suicidal!" He says and I can't help but to roll my eyes. "Everyone's a little suicidal....when you embrace it people get offended." I reply and he does the unthinkable....I watch a tear fall down his eye. "Do you really wanna kill yourself?" He whispers as he continues to drive, avoiding all eye contact with me. "Not recently...but I do have my moments. I'm human, you know." I reply quietly and he let's out a dark chuckle. "Funny.....I always thought that you were an angel....guess I was wrong." He says and I felt something inside of me die. "I-I guess you were wrong." I say as my voice gets stuck in my throat and I try not to cry. I can see Kaz looking at me through the mirror, but I put in some earphones and pretend to ignore him.  

     Kaz and I get to the airport and get out of the car without saying a word. I get my bag out of the car and walk next to Kaz as he walks to the ticket booth. "Hello Mr. Booth. Will you be boarding a public plane or would you prefer your private jet?" The ticket booth lady asks. "Private jet would be preferred if it's prepped and ready to go now." Kaz says and the lady nods her head and leads us to the plane. I follow behind Kaz, keeping my head down and staring at my shoes. We get close to the jet and I pull my jacket closer to me as I shiver slightly. The cold winds pick up speed and I'm shivering down to my core by the time we get to the door. "Have a safe flight." The ticket booth lady says as we get in and I nod my head. I put my luggage above my head before curling up in a seat on the opposite side of the jet and falling asleep.