Falling Up//punk a.i.

20.

I decided to put down my old, raggy journal, and convince everyone to visit Ashton. At first, no one wanted to, but Luke convinced them harder. So, now we were in a silent walk to the hospital. No one dared speak, or even look at each other. Deep inside, I knew we needed each other more than ever, but I don't think we could deal with our feellings right now. We just need Ash to be better.

"He's got 2 months left." Michael whispered. Our heads snapped towards him.

"Shut up, he's gonna make it. He has to." Calum said. Luke weakly smiled at me, and shrugged sadly.

We made it inside the hospital, and went up to Ashton's room. I hated hospitals. They were so ugly and white, and the nurses had fake smiles plastered to their faces. I cringed, and so did everyone else.

I slowly opened the door to the room, and went inside, with Calum, Luke, and Michael trailing behind me. We shut the door behind us, and sat beside our weak drummer.

He looked worse than the last time I saw him. His skin was white as snow, and he had shaky breaths. Wires were in him, like usual, and he looked significantly thin. My eyes filled with tears, and Luke pulled me into his chest. I breathed in his scent, and slowly felt a tiny bit better.

"Please, wake up Ashy. We're a mess without you." Luke sighed. Calum looked at Michael with tears in his eyes as well. Mike pulled him into a bro hug, and tried to comfort him.

"We need help, guys." I said. They silently nodded. We needed to get out of here. We needed to be happy, even if it was just for a moment.

I mean, our moms would always try to comfort us, and throw us small little parties to try and lighten the mood. We never told them, but it just made it harder to cope. Deep down, we would point out little things that Ash would do.

Like, if my mom cooked us all a dinner, I'd notice how he would've offered to help her. Or, when we go out, of the rare times we do, Ash would've wanted us to go to the park, or something. It made me sick, and I don't think it was healthy for any of us.

"I can't stand to be here anymore." I said.

"I can't see him like this. We need to go." Luke said. Calum and Michael nodded, and we slowly trudged out of the hospital. We thanked the doctor, and went straight back to my house. I just needed to sleep, because honestly, right now, I can't do this.

*********************************

*Dreaming*

Sitting on the old couch, Ashton nudged me. I looked over at him, and he had a mix of sadness, and yet a glimmer of hope in them.

"Do you wanna go somewhere? For just a moment?" He asked. I smiled, and nodded.

"I'd really like that, Ash." I replied. He beamed at me, and we told Calum and Mike where we were going. Ashton drove us off somewhere, and the time was 5 pm. Cars and buildings whizzed by, and I noticed we were going out of town again.

"Where are we going, Ashy?" I curiously smiled. He smirked at me.

"It's a surprise." He giggled. I shrugged, and we drove on.

The ride wasn't long at all, in fact, if you looked behind us, you could still see the town. He parked in the middle of a abandoned valley. He opened my door for me, and we sat in the bed of his pickup. Our legs dangled over the edge, and Ash held my hand in his large ones.

"Are we ok?" He asked me. The sun was setting over the hills in the distance, and the sky was a palette of orange, pinks, and reds.

"Of course we are Ash. I'm just kinda shocked at myself that I let you in." I said quietly. He nodded, and smiled at me. We laid in the back, and saw the sky better. Ashton pulled me into his chest, and wrapped his arms around me. IN that small moment, I felt completely safe, like no one could stop me from being me.