Another Five Years

The Long and Winding Road

*Seattle, Three Days Later*

He staggered in the front door, slamming it closed behind him to let Jen know he was home from where ever she was in the house. He hated that house. It was too big, too modern, too impersonal, but she had insisted it was what she wanted and he had convinced himself that his wife should have it. She should have everything she wanted, even though she couldn't be asked to pick him up at the fucking airport. Walking past their massive wedding portrait in the foyer and into the kitchen, he rummaged through the fridge for something to eat. Finding only beer, soda and well past their prime tomatoes, he gave up and settled on water. He was considering ordering pizza when he found himself staring at a note stuck to the white fridge door just inches from his nose.

Staying at a friend's for a bit. Need some time to think. –Jen

Dave swiped the note from its magnet and ambled outside onto the wooden deck that overlooked the wooded hill and Lake Washington far below. He pulled out his lighter and lit the edge of her note, watching as her handwriting bent and curled in the consuming flames before turning to ash. Tossing the burning paper at his feet, he stomped out the flames and went to call his lawyer.    

*

*Late October 1996*

"Why is this never fucking easy?" Dave groaned, covering his face with his hands.

Pat sat next to him, calmly adjusting the faders on the board in front of them in an attempt to make ''February Stars" sound coherent. "You mean beyond the obvious?" he asked, lifting the drum track above the rest so they could hear the ill timing.

Dave only glared at the board. He still hadn't decided what he was going to do about William and he had been back at Bear Creek for a week. Nate had agreed to keep things quiet in exchange for Dave scheduling his sessions apart from William's to let things cool down a bit and there was a lame apology voicemail that William had left Kate, but other than that it was business as usual on the drummer's end. It was taking everything Dave had in him to keep his promise to Anna that he wouldn't put his fist through William's teeth. 

"The vibe here is shit now," Pat announced, waving his hands over his head. "It's tainted and ugly... rotting from the inside-"

"Yeah, okay, I get it," Dave said sharply. He had been on edge since leaving Virginia, upping his cigarette intake by almost a pack a day and suffering through intense tension headaches that never seemed to fully go away. Jen was home again, but they had only spoken once about a water bill and Anna was now two thousand miles away. He was beginning to feel lost.

"I'm just saying if you want me to studio hunt when I'm in LA, I can do that. Sound City can book us tomorrow," Pat offered.

Dave flinched and grabbed his cigarettes off the board. "Anywhere but Sound City," he muttered and retreated to the driveway.     

*

*LA, early November*

"I feel like I'm caught between him and Nate," Dave sighed. He stared at the water-stained ceiling in his hotel room and wondered if he should just go to Virginia for the holidays and skip Seattle. He had just made arrangements to finish the record at a studio in LA and had purposefully scheduled a long holiday break for everyone. 

"I wouldn't worry about Nate," Anna's voice sounded so far away. "I think he'd be just as happy to see William quit as you would be."

"Yeah, I just don't want to have to scramble to find a drummer before a major tour." He was already reeling from Pat quitting a few days prior in an epic blowup that resulted in his guitarist leaving the party they were at with Jennifer on his arm. They had managed to come to a civil agreement where Pat would stay on until they could find a replacement, but Dave had to promise he would hurry the divorce along. Things were tense in the band, but it was Dave's own fault.

"I won't say I told you so..." Anna laughed. "Did that one guy not work out? That drummer from LA?"

"No, he's just networking for me. He's already in Alanis Morrisette's band."

"Fuck," Anna laughed. "I know you were in Nirvana and all, but you can't really beat that gig."

For the first time in what felt like several days Dave laughed, too. "Yeah, Nate would definitely bail if Taylor joined. He thinks Taylor is a fucking spaz."

"But he likes you!"

"In small doses, Anna. Can you imagine being stuck with two of me in a tour bus for days on end?"

"Ugh," she groaned. "I'd be homicidal."

"I'm hanging out with Taylor tonight so if I don't call you in the next couple days it's because we're in jail." He heard the familiar sounds of the record store till slamming shut and felt his face ache from grinning so much. "How's the shop?"

"Good!" she said happily. "Dad is patiently waiting for his new Foo Fighters display to add to the 'Dave Shrine'."

"Tell me what he wants and I'll make sure he's the first to get it."

"You're sweet," she said softly.

"Are you too busy to come to LA for a bit?" he asked. 

"I don't know, kitten. You still married?"

"I'm working on it," he promised. He just wanted to see Anna to remember what it felt like to love someone. The divorce was in progress but kept running into legal roadblocks due to his wealth, a hazard he was warned about before the wedding, but ignored on the grounds that he thought he and Jen would be together forever. He hadn't even seen Jennifer since the party when she left with Pat and he knew he couldn't blame her, he had been awful to her. He had loved her once, but it seemed like so long ago that he couldn't remember how or why.

"I'm here if you need me," Anna said gently.

"And I'm waiting here for you."

She laughed a little and relented. "Dad will be more than happy to send me your way. I'll ask my boss at The Kennedy Center if he can swing me a few days."

"Thanks, Annie."    

*

There were three missed calls from Jimmy and an unknown Virginia number along with two voicemails, which was a little worrisome since his friend rarely if ever left voicemails. Dave ducked out of the bar and found a quiet fire escape to listen to the messages, his anxiety growing as he punched in his passcode. The initial noise was blasting music and laughter, clearly Jimmy was at some party as he always was. There was a scuffling sound and Jimmy's voice telling someone to take the phone, then Anna's laugh. He was surprised when the sound stole his breath and made him grab the wall for balance. He had just talked to her a few hours ago, what the hell was going on?

Did he answer? she asked

Then Jimmy again, No, it's voicemail.

Shit, Jimmy! I'm not leaving him a fucking voicemail!

The computerized voice declared that the next voicemail was recorded just minutes ago and clicked over to playback. He held his breath, hoping it was her.

Hey kitten, it's Anna. I know you're busy with the band and married, so I hope this doesn't cause any drama but... she paused to clear her throat and Dave braced himself for whatever was next. But I've been thinking a lot about what you said today and I just want you to know that... well, I'm here... waiting for you, too. She laughed a little and he could just see her smile in his mind. Sorry, I'm so fucking drunk, but I have to get this out of my head. I've tried to move on and see other guys, but they're just not... they don't... they're not you. So I guess I'm gonna wait here for you, man. For a long... forev... everlong... that's not a fucking word. Okay, now that I've completely embarrassed myself, I'm gonna hang up. Bye, kitten.

He stood fixed to the spot as the computerized voice asked if he wanted to delete or save his messages. It asked a third time and he stiffly saved both before going to find Taylor.