Different // Why Don't We

A hidden talent // part 14

It is Alsace. First I want to scream. Tell her to leave me alone. But then I know I am just imagining things: She is still my best friend and she wouldn't hurt me in any way. 'I am okay, Al! Just give me a minute!', I say while wiping my tears away. I look in the mirror. My eyes are red and puffy. I splash water in my face, put on my sweatpants and a tanktop, my hair goes in a messy bun. I take a deep breath and open the door. Al looks very worried: 'Are you okay Bambi?' 

I smile: 'Yeah, I am just a little tired. Long day.' She looks a bit confused but doesn't ask further questions: 'Go say goodnight to the boys, they'll understand.' I nodd and go downstairs. They are all on the couch, still eating. I say goodnight to them all. Jonah, Corbyn, Jack and Daniel all hug me and give me a kiss on my forehead. Zach just distantly says 'Goodnight' and doesn't look at me. I know I deserve that but it still is a smack in the face. I go back upstairs and Al wishes me 'Sweet Dreams'. I lay down on my bed and fall asleep immediately. 

'Goodmorning, Bambi', I open my eyes to see Al. I mumble a sort of goodmorning while turning around. She giggles: 'Come on Bambi. You have to get up.' I grab her hand and turn me on my back, I sigh: 'I am in need of coffee.' She laughs: 'Are you that tired? I've never seen you like that before.' I nodd and yawn at the same time. She tells me the boys are making breakfast. She leaves me alone and I get out of bed.

I hate myself for thinking she would hurt me. I start talking to myself saying I should just leave and never come back. I look in the mirror and brush my hair. The thoughts won't leave and suddenly I hear myself talking, to myself. The tears well up and I look at my reflection: 'I am disgusted by you!' that is the only thing I say. Enough to make myself mad. I calm myself down and wipe my tears away.

I come downstairs and instantly notice Zach isn't there. 'He is outside', Corbyn says. I look in the backyard and see him, playing his guitar. I walk up to him without saying a word. He finishes the song and just looks up to the sky. 'Zach, I- I am sorry. I-', I sigh, 'I- I just didn't know how to react. I didn't think about it at that moment. Afterwards I thought I should've done someting different.... I am truly sorry.' He looks me in the eyes: 'I am sorry too, I shouldn't have grabbed you inside and immediately confront you with it. I am sorry too.' He gives me a hug and I accept it. 

Hey! You two! We are waiting!', Daniel shouted. I laugh: 'Come on Zach, Jonah's coffee is getting cold.' He laughs and we walk inside.

*after breakfast* 

'So, what are you guys going to do today?', Alsace asks. Jonah is quitely sipping his coffee and Jack is truly the opposite: 'We are going to the studio.' They all smile: 'New songs', Corbyn says, 'What are you girls going to do?' Christina tells them we are going to stay at home, chilling. Zach laughs: 'Amber, I think you could use that. I agree on that and they all laugh and shake their heads. Jonah looks at me and tries to tell me something, but I don't understand it. He gives up when Daniel says they have to leave.

'Amber? I know you have a jetlag, but you have to stay awake', Christina says while stroking my hair. 'Christina? Do you know where I can find a guitar here? I am not just taking that one', and I point at Dani's guitar. She laughs and takes me to an other room: 'Choose.' I gasp as she opens the door: This room is filled with guitars. I walk up to the one standing in the middle: 'Zachs guitar....' Christina comes closer: 'He will be okay with it.'

 It has been a while since I played the guitar. I got a little frustrated because I couldn't remember how to play it. After half an hour, I believe it is good. I go downstairs to grab a bottle of water and the girls notice me: 'Whenever you are ready, come give us a show!' I giggle: 'That will be without any lyrics because my singing is horrible. Alsace disagrees and Christina really doesn't believe me. I laugh and go back upstairs. I close my door and grab the guitar. 

'Would they hear me?', I whisper. I guess not so I start singing along with the song

hey you, I love you a million more. 

and I hope you know that I won't let go, you make me wanna shout it 

hey you, I love you a million more

That went well, maybe I can sing some high notes now. I take a deep breath and start.

help me, it's like the walls are caving in.

sometimes I feel like giving up, no medicine is strong enough

someone help me, I'm crawling in my skin

sometimes I feel like giving up but I just can't, it isn't in my blood

I wipe a tear away, I just love this song. Suddenly I hear a noise at the door: 'Who is there?' I ask. The door opens... Slowly.