Hope Begins to Fade

Gin and Regret

"What is this?" I asked Henry as I took a cocktail glass from his hand.

"What does it look like Caitie? It's a cocktail." Henry sat down beside me a cocktail glass in his own hand and propped his feet on the coffee table.

"I can see that," I sniffed, "I meant, what type of cocktail is it and why?"

Henry took a thoughtful sip, "It's called a Southside and it has gin in it because I may be gay but I refuse to serve you a fruity cocktail. I made it because you need something stronger than tea and sympathy."

"Thanks. I think," I gave him a speculative glance, "Do you think that alcohol is a good idea?"

"Caitie, I own a bar. Alcohol is always a good idea. I'm not the kind of gay who's going to soothe your broken heart with pedicures, Ben & Jerry's and chick flicks. Although if you insist I guess I can stretch to the ice-cream and movies although watching the Notebook is my hard limit," Henry said as he gave my thigh a consoling pat.

"Why do you think I have a broken heart?" Deny, deny, deny! My brain screamed.

Henry began to laugh but quickly turned it into a cough with an apologetic look. "Sorry, tickle in my throat. I'm guessing broken heart because just over an hour ago when you were on your way home you were happy so something has happened since then. My guess is broken heart. Do you need me to go lay Matt out?"

"It's not my home. It's Matt's...and Val's." I took a gulp of my Southside. Wow that was good, Henry sure could mix a cocktail. "Anyway it's a bit of an assumption to just think that I'm upset because of something Matt did." As if it was deliberately trying to taunt me my phone, which I'd set down on the coffee table, lit up with another missed call from Matt. I'd lost count of the number of times he'd messaged me or tried to call.

Henry glanced down at the phone's display and this time he didn't even pretend not to laugh. "Come on Caitie. I don't think he's calling you to remind you to buy milk and bread."

I reached out and flipped my phone face down. "It's not kind to mock me."

Henry tilted his glass against mine. "I mean it with love sweetie. Come on, are you going to tell me what happened?"

"Reality happened Henry. I realised I can't be the woman who takes advantage of a grieving widower." Taking another gulp of my drink I realised the tide was getting low. I tapped my fingernail against the edge of my glass to alert Henry to the impending drought.

"Fuck it, I'll just make a jug. This is going to be a more than two cocktail night," he said as he stood and crossed to the kitchen area of the open plan space. "Sweetie, I don't think that anyone would ever think that you've taken advantage of Matt."

I snorted. "Brian did and Matt and I weren't even sleeping together then." I slapped my hand over my mouth and squinted at my glass. How much gin was in a Southside?

Henry gracefully ignored my confession although the quirk of his lips let me know he'd heard it. "Yeah well Gates has always been a bit of a dick at times. I've known him since grade school, he's not a bad guy he just doesn't think sometimes." Henry frowned suddenly as if a thought had just occurred to him. "Brian's not still giving you shit is he? That's not what this is about is it?"

"No!" I hurried to reassure him, "No, Brian's been fine. I just can't help but realise though that he and all of Matt's other friends will have reason to be disappointed in me if they ever find out that Matt and I were involved in more than an employer and employee relationship. I was supposed to help him get through a hard time, not make him hard and jump his bones."