Hope Begins to Fade

Save Me

It was Wednesday night when Matt turned to me as I layered meat sauce and pasta sheets in a lasagne dish. "Friday night the boys are spending the night with my parents so this time instead of rescuing me from my bad decisions you're going to come out with me to stop me making them in the first place."

I looked at him in surprise. "Wow. They're spending the weekend away again?" At first he'd refused to let them be anywhere further than shouting distance from him, it seemed he was relaxing a little. He ducked his head and focused on my hands as they continued the repetitive yet strangely soothing task of assembling dinner. I wondered idly why he didn't seem to want to make eye contact. Did he think I'd judge him for letting the boys spend some time away from him? All thought was wiped from my brain when he pushed his t-shirt up a little to scratch his belly. My hand shook at the glimpse of his abs and meat sauce splashed from my spoon to the counter top. I turned quickly to the sink to snatch up a dishcloth and while my back was to Matt I touched my fingers to the corner of my mouth to wipe up the drool that I was certain had pooled there.

Matt's voice was a deep rumble from across the room, "I'd prefer if they didn't but it's not fair if Val's folks get time alone with them and mine don't. They're all trying to get as much time in with them as they can before we head out on tour again."

Turning back to him I noted with relief that his shirt had dropped back down in place. I wiped up my mess as I said, "You know that I'm happy to stay back here with them and bring them out to you every so often."

Matt's eyes flew to my face and it was impossible to miss the panic in them. "No, not even remotely a possibility." He was adamant. "If those boys aren't in the same city as me or at the very least within a two hour drive I won't be going on stage. Simple as that."

It was not the first time that he'd said it although I'd kind of hoped that with the way Matt was letting the boys spend overnights away from him with their grandparents he might have relaxed a little. I huffed out a little sigh. It looked like I was going on tour with a rock band. Like taking to the high seas life on the road had never really been an ambition of mine. I'd never imagined following a band from city to city and hanging out back stage. I knew girls that had dreamed that dream every night as they fell asleep looking at posters of whichever rock star currently graced the posters on their bedroom walls. There may have been a brief moment at the height of my sixteen year old self's crush on Ryan when I thought that maybe when I was older I'd follow him from city to city but that was mainly a very pathetic ambition to grow up to be a stalker not anything else.

I'd just suck it up and emulate Matt by spending as much time as possible hiding behind the aviators I still hadn't returned to him. At least if I was hidden behind shades I could pretend I didn't notice the dirty looks Brian was sure to be throwing my way. I had no idea what I'd done to piss him off and when I'd ventured to ask Steph in a very casual way what his problem was with me she'd looked at me blankly, as if she had no idea what I was talking about. Maybe I was imagining things.

"Yay!" I said with a little jump of forced enthusiasm. The tightness left Matt's face and his dimples burst forth as he grinned at me.

"Come on Sunshine, it's going to be fun. Just think, when we hit Europe we'll make some time so you can hit up a couple of art galleries."

I gave him a reluctant smile, "Okay. That does sound tempting."

"That's the spirit!" I hated the little flip my stomach gave when he smiled at me but I was powerless to stop it all the same. "Now that we have that settled you need to agree to be my wing – man...woman?- on Friday night. Come on, it'll be fun."