THE ADVENTURE OF AUGUST BACK TO EARTH

17. Guns and Trampoline

Walang namutawing salita sa amin. We are both listening to our breathing... the air around us and the ruffled noise when our clothes fabric got into friction. This moment is perfect, too perfect like it is almost like a dream. But no matter how beautiful is the dream, I have to wake up and face the reality. The ugly reality that keeps on hitting me and pushing me to my limits.

Dahan dahan kong ibinuka ang aking nga mata and I slowly pushed him at kumawala ako mula sa pagkakayakap ni Cayden. I met his eyes that is full of emotion na sa sobrang dami ay hindi ko na mapangalanan. But surely, there is a hint of regret in his eyes.

"Cayden, about what you said, earlier today... back there in the gym. Can we forget about that?" I am crossing my finger and bitting my inner check. Kinakabahan ako sa sinasabi ko. I know I am asking for too much. It takes courage to confess, tapos sasabihin ko lang na kalimutan yun.

"NO!" Malakas na sagot ni Cayden and his face was contorted with displeased. "I cannot pretend that I did not said that. I've been pulling myself, all my courage to say that to you and you are telling me to forget about that? Aren't you being too cruel? Is this my punishment for what I did back in Pandora? Do I have to suffer more, just to have you?" Nangilid ang luha sa mga mata ni Cayden but his face is on grim. Anger and pain is coaxing him up. "I cannot do that August. I can't."

"I'm sorry, but I am so confused right now. Ang daming dumating na problema at hindi ko din alam ang gagawin ko kay Reed. Nahihirapan din ako Cayden." Napaiyak na sagot ko rito. Hindi pa ako nakakapagpasya. I wanted so much to be with Cayden pero napipigilan yun ni Reed. I was torn.

"Is it because of him?" Malamig na tanong sa akin ni Cayden. "Do you love him?" Parang batong bumagsak yun sa aking ulo.

"I love him.." sagot ko at halos mapatakbo ako sa takot na dumilim ang mukha nit Cayden at naramdaman ko ang kilabot na parang kumawala sa katawan nito. I can feel the menacing aura. "I l-love him as a brother..... a friend..." dugtong ko dahil pakiramdam ko ay may masamang mangyayari kung hindi ko itutuloy ang sasabihin ko.

"You're not fucking me do you?" Mapanganib na tanong nito sa akin. Halos mapangiwi naman ako sa mga salita nito. Siguro, nahawa na ito sa mga american culture kaya pati pagsasalita nito ganun na din.

"No and why would I do that? Cayden, matagal ko ng kilala si Reed. Naging kaibigan ko siya ng nakabalik ako dito. We are almost like a family, like my brother. Knowing about his confession pains me so much. Ayoko siyang masaktan...." mahinang sagot ko sa kanya. Maybe I have to telk him, what's bothering me dahil as mukhang makikinig ito kesa kay Reed.

"So you are choosing him over me?" Kahit hindi ako tumingin, damang dama ko ang sakit ng pagkakasabi niya. He sounded dejected.

Umiling ako. "I am not choosing anyone. I may sound so selfish but please.... give me time to decide..... Reed is a family to me that I never had-"

"I can give you family if you want! I can give you everything that you want! But please don't do this me." Kumalat ang pait sa mukha ni Cayden. "Why do I have this feeling that you will choose him over me?"

"Cayden, please give me time to decide. I wanted to think about it throughly. You are both important to me..." sagot ko rito na parang may nakita akong liwanag sa mukha ni Cayden ng sabihin ko yun.

"I am important to you?" Parang panigurado na tanong pa nito sa akin.

Kung alam mo lang. Tumango ako dito. "I wouldn't be in this situation, if you are nothing to me Cayden.... so please give me time." Hingi ko ulit rito.

Bumuntong hininga naman si Cayden bago nagsalita. "I will give you time. Even it scares me thinking you might be choosing him, but I am hoping that you choose me over him." Pagkasaad nito ay nawala na ito sa harapan ko. He teleported out. Hindi ko alam kung saan ito patungo.