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The ride to the apartment was quiet. Ambar felt too mentally tired to try to make a conversation. If Emilia had noted something about her sour mood she did not say anything, and Ambar was grateful for it, she liked how always Emilia gave her space and never pressured her to talk or do anything.
-I'll take these first and you can carry those -Emilia pointed to the tiniest suitcases and without a complaint Ambar grabbed them and walked towards her new apartment.
-Ambar is that you? -someone spoke from behind her and she wondered why he was always so inopportune.
-Yes it's me. -she turned around with a fake smile plastered on her face.
-You came to visit me? -he said, voice a decivel higher.
-No -she had to hold back a snort. -I'm moving here.
-You're what? How?
-I'm moving here -she tried so hard not to roll her eyes -I rented an apartment in this building.
-Why? Did Luna...
-No she didn't kick me out. -she finished his sentence. -I just wanted to leave.
-Oh -was all he said. An awkward silence installed between them, Ambar wanted to leave but didn't know how.
-So this means we're going to see each other more often now -Simon finally spoke.
-I guess so -she gave him a politely smile.
-Good -he was walking closer. -Because I can't never get enough of seeing you.
Ámbar was taken aback. What was that supposed to mean?
-Simon I...
-I know I was awful to you but Ambar I... -he was just milimiters away now. -I can't stop thinking about you, about what we could've had.
It hit her, like thousands waves what her true feelings for him were now, all those words that months ago she was dying to hear, and how desperately she wanted him to be this close again so she could kiss him like before, taste him and feel peace in her heart cause of it. If this was back then she would have probably close the distance between them with a hug or a kiss, tell him she was sorry and that she couldn't stop thinking about him either because she loved him and she loved how he made her feel.
But it wasn't back then, these words right now meant nothing and she felt bad for it because a part of her still wanted to love him, a part of her still believed loving him was her salvation... But that part wasn't big enough and she felt nothing.
She didn't want to hurt him that was sure, she knew how bad it felt when the person you love hurts you but she didn't want to lie to him either, giving him false hope would be worse than flat out reject him so she stood there looking at him dead in the eye trying to make the words leave her mouth, trying to find the courage to say them them.
He was looking at her with hopeful eyes while all she could was open and close her mouth because the words wouldn't come out.
-I'm sorry
-Beanie boy what a surprise. -Emilia spoke at the same time as her just louder, causing her words to fade in the background.
-I live here. -he said flatly apparently still waiting for Ambar's response.
-Oh what a coincidence so do we. -Ambar saw that Emilia was fighting back the urge to insult him. -Ambar when are you taking those suitcases to our apartment? -Ambar was confused as to why Emilia used the word our, but she couldn't deny it, she loved hearing those words coming from Emilia's mouth, and loved the idea that the apartment was theirs. She imagined how it would be, them living a domestic life and k....
-Ambar?
-Oh yes I'm going -she gave Simon an apologetic look. -We'll talk other day okay?
-Okay. -he reached out for her hand and squeezed it. -For you I can wait.
She didn't know what to say after so she quickly walked to her apartment.
-Finally beanie boy stopped bothering you with his presence.
Ambar let out a laugh. -Why you dislike him so much?
-Meh -Emilia shrugged. -I found him totally unbearable that's all.
Ambar carried the suitcases to her new room. She sighed, she had so much work to do.
-Can I ask you something? -Emilia asked from the living room.
-Sure. -Ambar responded. -What is it?
-But you have to tell me the truth and only the truth. -Emilia peaked her head through the door.
-Don't be dramatic. -Ambar rolled her eyes. -What is it.
-Do you?... -Emilia looked like she was struggling saying those words. -Do you still like him? -her voice was quiet, like a mere whisper as if she spoke them too loud they would become real.
Ambar didn't hesitate to answer, because for the first time in months she wasn't confused about what her heart felt.
-No. I don't have feelings for him anymore.
~~~
