Euphoria

h.

This is my problem! Why share it with someone else? It's my mess, my disaster! It's my own business and I want to resolve it myself, dying or surviving.

But I won't stand people looking like I am a little child, so no, I need to leave... I'm sorry Chaeyoung. I stood up but suddenly a pair of hands pulled me down again.

"We'll start" She said.

It was a tall lady dressed in pink, her hair in a messy bow and had glasses on, guess she is the one in charge of this group.

"My name is Miss Kim Sonji" She introduce herself. "I'm so glad we can see new faces here. This conservatory is very important to me and for all of us, so I hope the new comers can also share"

Share? What would I share? My bastard face not liking being in this situation? Or the fact I am fine people and won't let any of you know what is my monster? Because it's mine and I don't want to say anything, I feel ashamed to feel this, so why would I share?

A girl introduced herself and started to speak, she talked about how she was sexually assaulted and no one believed her when she tried to accuse her attacker, she thought on killing herself so many times she lost count, she even got to seat on the edge of a tower contemplating the idea until her mother texted her that the meal was ready; there was when something in her change. 

Even if the outside was a bitch towards her, her mother was still worried about her, was still around her to make her feel better, support her and love her like no one did. She thought on not leaving her mother alone and that is why she stepped back and went home that day, willing to move on from that horrible mess.

But mine and hers are different.

My problem is that I can't get a grip on my mind; I don't like this life sometimes, is just too dark and impossible for me. And my mom won't be alone, she has my brother, she will forget me with time if I decided to finally end my life, so I can't relate to her at all.

The other guy talked about losing the love of his life when she cheated on him with a friend. He felt unworthy and insecure, like if he wasn't enough and he said no one deserve to feel that way – and you're right my pall – he didn't thought to kill himself but he was really feeling like his existing wasn't necessary and that he wasn't important for anyone in this world. 

He started to take anti-depressed pills, tried to move on with his life but he couldn't until he found the group and he think that maybe letting all that shit out can make him rest in peace a little at night, to find rest and to be stronger the next morning to face it.

Then all eyes landed on me.

"Now is your turn" She stared at me

"Turn of what?" I asked.

She frowned. "Turn to share with us"

"I don't have anything to share"

"You have" She suddenly said to me. "You just don't want to admit it"