Euphoria

h.

Once again I'm standing here in this bridge as the breeze is crashing against my face. I can't find anything to be related to, I just can't get a grip on myself in this place or in any place whatsoever. I just lost someone who basically could pull me out of this and is because I pushed her away and for sure she won't comeback. She hates me. She must be regretting saving me that night, she must be wishing for me to be dead by now. I wonder if someday, when people find my dead body she will feel happy after how hard a treat her.

I don't want to share this with no one that is not her and now I understand that I'm sabotaging myself again, I just buried myself in the sand. I'm pushing away everyone without even try too hard I just do it.

But suddenly I feel a pair of familiar arms going around my waist and my heart stopped working for a bit. I felt dead but in a good way. Her head is resting on my back and I, without even noticing, I also grab her hands around my waist, I want her even closer to me.

"I'm sorry" I whispered. "I really sorry"

"It's ok"

"No, Chaeyoung" I continued. "I don't deserve you worrying about me. You should've let me go that night"

"No" She only answered.

"Why not?" I asked her.

"You deserve to live so you can see you can be happy too, you deserve to be happy too"

"How I deserve to be happy? I don't"

"You do" She answered back. "You just don't know"

I tried to turn around so I can face her and she didn't change her position. I thought I would feel intimidate by her proximity but here I am mesmerized at how gorgeous she is and she looks in this light. I pulled a string of her hair back to her ear and sight heavily.

If I gave a chance to pain, why don't to joy?

"Where is this place?"

"What place?"

"The place you said can help me"

Her eyes widened at that. "You're considering it?"

I shrugged as I looked at other direction. "I don't like the idea, but at least I can try"

She stayed in silence and a short smile escape her lips. "That's something"

This place gives me chills; I shouldn't be here at all. Confessing I have a problem is like surrender to the problem, right? I can't be here; I should not be because this is not my place. All these people here are going to do what? Have petty of me? Look down at me? Patting my back telling me what I already know? Bullshit, I just don't want to say anything, I'm doing this just because Chaeyoung told me to, I don't want to push her away by reacting angry at her again so I'm just doing this to stay cool with her, but I for sure will ignore all the shit I know I will hear.