Affection // irwin

Chapter 18

“You thought he liked you, didn’t you?” Ashton smirks, nudging my arm again.

“No,” I blush.

“You did!”

“Yeah I did, but…” I’m lost for words.

“Don’t worry, he makes people feel special.”

“So now you’re gay too?

Ashton laughs.

“No, I’m definitely not. Not that it’s wrong, I just like girls.”

If this was a movie or a romantic teen book, and I’d be confident, this is where I would ask him if there’s any girl in particular and he would say yes, and we would kiss. But this is not a movie or a book. I’m not confident and he still got a girlfriend. A girlfriend who he really should hang out with on a Saturday evening. A girlfriend who yet hasn’t called or texted, or interrupted our hangout.

“Okay, what’s up now? I can tell when you’re thinking of something.”

“Why are you even hanging with me?”

Ashton turns his head to me.

“What? Are you seriously asking me that?” He frowns.

I nod. I want to know. I am nothing like him.

“You shouldn’t ask me that," he says, looking out on the ocean.

“Why not?” I say, irritated. “I want to know.”

But he stays quiet, his eyes still focusing somewhere in the middle of the ocean. I feel my heart sink. What if he hates me? What if he’s playing some kind of game and he’ll tell all his friends about me and then they’ll laugh because I’m so easy to trick. It wouldn’t be the first time. But I honestly thought Ashton was my friend. I have to get out of here before something happens.

“Where are you going?” He looks at me as I’m putting on my shoes ready to leave.

“Home. I…I,” Then I realize he drove me here. Smart, Joselyn. Smart.

“You can’t be serious. Are you mad because I didn’t answer your question?”

Yes.

“No…” I stand up but Ashton grabs my wrist and pulls me down again.

“Let go of me!” I try to escape but his grip is too tight. “It hurts.”

“Sorry.” He lets go of my wrist but puts his hands on my face instead, warmth spreading underneath his palms.

“You wanna know why I didn’t answer your question?” He looks into my eyes.

I nod. Here it comes.

“Because you shouldn’t even ask such a question. Don’t doubt our friendship, Joselyn. Don’t doubt anyone’s friendship. I like you and I like hanging out with you, okay?”

He likes hanging out with me? But most importantly, he likes me?

“But we’re so different.”

“Yeah, we’re not the same, but we’re not that different either. Sure, I hang out with people like Luke, but that relationship is not the same as ours. You have to stop being so insecure about yourself. I know it isn’t easy, but you’ve got to trust me. I know you’ve been through hell, been ignored and so, but this.” He points between us. “This is not like that.”

He keeps looking into my eyes, making sure I’ve heard it all. His breath smells like strawberries, like always, and I am almost sure he’s going to kiss me, but he lets go of my face and puts his arm around my shoulder instead. Why do I keep thinking about him kissing me? I shake my head. I need to stop thinking about those lips.