I am NOT your Alpha

I am NOT your Alpha - Like the story said...

            “I’ll take responsibility for my actions, I’ll save my uncle and the baker pack, I’ll help my friends get their lives back on track, and I’ll be your heir.”

            My grandpa's eyes widened in surprise as the weight of what I had just said sunk in. Then his face shifted, into calculation and wonderment. He was an easy read, even from the distance I was at away from him - his face said it all, 'what is this girl playing at?' His heavy footfalls steadily approached me - the fact that I heard his approach gave signal that he was being cautious, alerting me of his movements. Something wolves only do when they're unsure of those they're interacting with.

            "Why would you make such a hasty decision Cassidy, whats on your mind?" His hand landed lightly onto my shoulder, and with searching eyes he peered down at me, as if the closer he got to me, the more insight into my head he'd gain.

            "This entire day, Grandpa... No, for longer, I've been blaming myself for the situations that I've dragged my family and friends into, but have done absolutely nothing to help them other than to run away. I know now, after earlier this afternoon, that I need to fix what I broke. To help them find their place."

            "Yes, but why accept my terms - why are you giving in so easily, to become my heir? You were so against it not even an hour ago." He shook his head at me, still not understanding my point.

            "Grandpa, my entire life I've gone exactly the opposite of what I've been told, and look where it's gotten me? I'm impatient and brash in my decisions soley because some part of me would rather be a rebel than follow the path thats been laid out for me. I'll tell you again, Grandpa. I'm not the true Rho Alpha heir, but if it will help my friends, and make you happy, then I'll do what you want until you figure out who really is - it shouldn't take that long. It's like what happened with you and your brother, the real Alpha will come around soon enough."

            I gave a small shrug and watched my grandpas expressions change over time from curiosity, to dissapointment, and finally to anger. A deep throaty growl vibrated though his chest and the authority that came with it shook the forest; I felt it, it reverberated deep within me, but held no commanding power - I'm not sure if I would've been affected by it either way. But this growl, this hurt, this anger, were all emotions new to me, especially from my grandpa.

            "Maybe I was wrong." He said, voice hoarse, as if the weight of his words were choking him. Of course he was wrong he - "You couldn't be my heir. Or maybe, having let you be raised sigma has ruined you - tainted you against your true nature."

            Disgust laced his words like poison, shooting right through  my stomach and leaving a searing hole there. I've dissapointed and angered the only person who saw me in perfect light - but maybe that was the problem, I'm no where near perfect.

            "You pass it off so lightly! To allow you to accept such an important role under those pretences would kill me." Those were his last words before leaving me there in the forest. Alone, hurt, and feeling more guilty than I had before he walked me here, I hurt everyone.

            An animal-like whine escaped me as I repressed the urge to howl into the darkening sky - pushed back the urge to cry. It felt like it wasn't my right.

            I woke the next day feeling conflicted as ever; what would I do now, and how would I learn to fix my mistakes? What were my mistakes? My stomach still felt heavy, it acknowledged that I was again, too hasty in my decision making and wrong with my words, that I hurt someone. It was laden with that guilt, but I can't help what I'm not. And I'm definitely not an Alpha.