Not interested

Part 5

I spotted him when I wasn't ready at all and the image of him made me completely numb. Alex was not far away from me sitting on the couch near the stairs but it felt like kilometres between us and today it wasn't just because of my hesitations and his lack of interest.  Today his button-up shirt was white and the whiskey in his glass was probably good but the main thing that left a mark on me was one simple thing: he wasn't alone.

Right, there was a woman. The woman that made me feel unexpectedly bad. You know, they say that there is always someone else. Well, today it wasn't just a saying.

She was undoubtedly good looking in a simple ebony dress with straps and high classic heels with her red curly hair in a Bob hairstyle. Even though it was dark, I could see her rosy lips and blue sparkling eyes which gave me a sick feeling when Alex put his arm around her waist to tug her closer to his body.

They were talking quietly all by themselves like there was nobody around and I was just standing next to Jules with words in my throat unable to move. Wow, what a cliché scene. Why was that so bitter?

'They are good together, aren't they?' Jules said with a small smile following my gaze and his voice sounded like he was under the water. Or maybe, I was.

'They are' I answered with no emotion telling the truth. I saw Alex giving the redhead nymph his best inviting look and an open smile. The genuine expression on his face made me swallow my unsaid words and feel something similar to irritation inside. That feeling saturated me with its wrong essence and I couldn't get rid of it. Was it a real jealousy that I experienced?

'Who is she?' I've finally managed to ask Jules not even bothering to look at him. Nothing existed. Only me and two of them in a room where was no place for my emotions.

'It's Janet' my artist-friend told me with a satisfied grin. Oh, well, even Jules liked her with Alex. With a thought of it, I felt so pitiful that I wanted to escape, forget Alex, Matt, Jules and the evening in the bar when he tasted my name on his lips, when I let myself a single thought of him. And I hated myself that I was so affected by the image of him and Janet because I had no right to even stare. I was convincing myself that Alex and I were just strangers but my heart was beating treacherously fast.

That what happens when for a moment you let yourself a weakness to succumb to someone's charms. Of course, he had someone. He was a handsome man and she was a beautiful woman. Wasn't it an explanation for everything?

'Excuse me for a moment' I told Jules with a heavy breath watching Alex playing with the red hair of his companion. I couldn't see his eyes and I had no idea what I would have done if I met his glance so I had to go, just leave. 'I'll go and find the bathroom'

Jules raised his dusty eyebrows surprised with a sudden change of my behaviour and wanted to answer something but I couldn't wait anymore. I escaped.

I was going from the room to the room through the crowds of people with a one simple urge to find a lonely place. Yes, I was affected and I didn't want to find out what I felt or how people called it. I just wanted to let my head rest without that annoying obsessive thoughts.

So, after some unsuccessful attempts, I've finally managed to find an empty room and closed the door behind me turning on the light. A sigh of relief escaped my mouth and I closed my eyes for a second to feel the void inside me and the room. It was quiet there comparing to the rest of the house and the music sounded distant. I didn't want to think at all.

With an effort, I opened my eyes to observe the room. It was small and painted in pastel colours. There was a single slightly open window with no curtains that let the cool air wandering in the room making me shiver. The furniture was simple: two identical peachy armchairs in the middle and a small round table between them. In the corner of the room was a bookcase filled with vinyl records and the vinyl player on the floor near it. A room for music, I would say. Matt obviously loved it.