Hope Begins to Fade

First Class Ticket to Guilt

"That is a bonus for him. Let me know if you want me to mention the other work though, I'm happy to do it," I said because what else was I supposed to say? 'I don't want anyone else ever to sleep in that room because it's where Matt and I attack each other like animals every night and I have mental pictures of his naked body that put my Pinterest board to shame' was not exactly the message I wanted to put out there.

Fortunately Steph arrived just then in a flurry of excuses and complaints about Brian approaching stage five clinger status. "Is he really?" I asked wide eyed Brian had always struck me as being so cool and self-contained.

Steph snorted, "No not really but he was really fucking me off when he couldn't get it through his head that I needed him to be elsewhere this afternoon."

"So where's he gone?" Cathy asked as Steph plonked a bottle of wine on the table. I stood up and grabbed glasses from the cupboard in what Cathy called the outdoor kitchen and Matt had always referred to as the grill zone.

Steph splashed wine into the glasses and said, "He's gone to harass Jeff and Matt on the golf course. He's probably trying to run them down in a golf cart with a cocktail in his hand." She grinned and shrugged in a 'what can you do my man is adorable way'. I grimaced. She might have thought so but if Brian messed with Matt's back swing the rest of us would suffer. I'd learned over our time together that Matt took his golf very seriously. I didn't think that Steph would appreciate her boyfriend being returned to her with a ding in his head from Matt's five iron.

We spent the afternoon working on the party plans. I was right, Steph didn't think that Brian would care so long as there was booze, food and his favourite people. I facetiously suggested that we have Harper leap out of a birthday cake for him. To my enormous surprise Cathy and Steph gave it some serious thought before very earnestly deciding that they were aiming for a happy surprise rather than a scene from his worst nightmares.

It was all I could do not to cringe when Steph and Cathy discussed if it was appropriate to invite Michelle to Brian's party and if, even if they invited her, she would come. I could have blamed the churning in my belly on the coffee I'd consumed but I knew that it was really the guilt I was feeling over the way I was still dodging Michelle. If she did decide that Brian was an Ebola free zone and made the effort to come to his birthday party for the sake of their son I was going to have to suck it up, squash down my guilt and treat her like the friend that she was.

Steph and I were telling Cathy about our time on tour, mainly Steph if I'm being completely honest, when the sound of male squabbling echoed through the house. Fortunately Cathy had already stashed her notebooks in her Birkin.

"Jesus Matt," Brian was protesting, "I don't understand why you're still so fucking upset!"

"Fuck you Brian." Oh dear that irritated growl was Matt, clearly things hadn't gone well on the golf course.

"C'mon man. You've got to understand that Matt was putting," said Jeff the voice of reason.

"Jesus dude. I just don't get why you had to come piss us off. Who the fuck did you think you were out there anyway? Rodney-fucking-Dangerfield?" Matt sighed with irritation.

Brian was laughing as he stepped through the patio doors and swept Steph into a passionate embrace. I stifled a laugh, Harper who was being pushed around the pool in a giant unicorn inflatable by the Stallyns was watching Brian and Steph with narrowed eyes. As if he could feel her eyes boring into the side of his head Brian lifted his mouth from Steph's and glanced across at the pool startling when his eyes connected with Harper's focused gaze.

"Jesus Cathy," Brian grunted tucking Steph in close to his side, "Didn't Satan need his minion today?"

So focused was I on the Brian and Harper show that I missed Matt stepping out onto the patio in Brian and Jeff's wake. "Ladies," he said and my lady parts clenched at the gritty caress in his voice. The sound of that voice with an extra dash of sex inspired heat was one of my favourite parts of Matt's and my night time interludes. As he passed close behind my chair he trailed a finger across my back from shoulder to shoulder. I couldn't help but briefly close my eyes and shiver in delight at his touch. When my brain returned to normal function and my eyelids snapped back open again I met Jeff's startled gaze from the other side of the table. His eyes flicked from me to Matt, who'd just dropped into the seat beside me, and then back again. His lips parted as if he was about to speak but then as if thinking better of it he pressed them firmly back together again before dropping his gaze to the bottle of beer Cathy had just set down in front of him.

When Matt casually dropped one of his hands from the table and extended his arm discreetly to rest his hand on my thigh the rush of heat I felt wasn't just pleasure at his touch but another shocking wave of guilt.