Reading the Regency

Forms of Address - part 2

"What is that you are saying, Fitzwilliam? What is it you are talking of? What are you telling Miss Bennet? Let me hear what it is."
"We are speaking of music, Madam," said he, when no longer able to avoid a reply.
"Of music! Then pray speak aloud. It is of all subjects my delight. I must have my share in the conversation, if you are speaking of music. ... How does Georgiana get on, Darcy?"
[Chapter 31, Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen]

And later, when Colonel Fitzwilliam was talking to Elizabeth, he used the same informality to refer to his cousin and Mr Bingley:

"I really believe Darcy does take care of him in those points where he most wants care. From something that he told me in our journey hither, I have reason to think Bingley very much indebted to him. But I ought to beg his pardon, for I have no right to suppose that Bingley was the person meant.''
[Chapter 33, Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen]

This practice of using surnames may have begun in school. In male boarding schools, like Eton or Harrow, boys were recorded in the registers by their surnames, unless they had a superior title, and it must have been natural for this habit to continue beyond their school years.

"Wheeler: This is very genteel of you, Talbot. I always thought you would do the genteel thing as I knew you to be so generous and considerate.

Talbot: Don't waste your fine speeches, Wheeler, I advise you, this election time. Keep them for Bursal or Lord John, or some of those who like them. They won't go down with me. Good morning to you. I give you notice, I'm going back to Eton as fast as I can gallop; and who knows what plain speaking may do with the Eton lads? I may be captain yet, Wheeler.
[Eton Montem, The Parent's Assistant, by Maria Edgeworth]

But even past their school or university years, men would usually address those they considered friends by their surname, and refer to them by their surname alone when talking to a third party.

"Teddesley, November 30th. I went to Tixall on Tuesday, the 10th of November. There were Luttrell, Nugent, Montagu, Granville Somerset (who went away the next day), and afterwards Granville Vernon, Wilmot, and Mr Donald. I never remember so agreeable a party."
[Diary entry from 1818, The Greville Memoirs, pub 1875]

When a man became engaged or married, his new wife's family might drop the formality of "Mr" and refer to or address their new son-in-law or brother-in-law by his surname only. In Pride and Prejudice Mr. Bingley was spoken of and addressed as "Mr. Bingley" right up until he became engaged to Jane, at which point Jane began to speak of him as "Bingley".

"Nothing could give either Bingley or myself more delight. But we considered it, we talked of it as impossible."
[Chapter 59, Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen]

Yet, earlier in the book, Elizabeth felt no sisterly affection for her new brother-in-law when Lydia returned from London: "Come, Mr. Wickham, we are brother and sister, you know. Do not let us quarrel about the past. In future, I hope we shall be always of one mind."

Using a gentleman's surname on its own, when you weren't already acquainted with him, was considered a vulgar familiarity:

"Knightley!" continued Mrs. Elton; "Knightley himself!--Was not it lucky?--for, not being within when he called the other day, I had never seen him before; and of course, as so particular a friend of Mr. E.'s, I had a great curiosity. 'My friend Knightley' had been so often mentioned, that I was really impatient to see him; and I must do my caro sposo the justice to say that he need not be ashamed of his friend. Knightley is quite the gentleman. I like him very much. Decidedly, I think, a very gentleman-like man."

Happily, it was now time to be gone. They were off; and Emma could breathe. "Insufferable woman!" was her immediate exclamation. "Worse than I had supposed. Absolutely insufferable! Knightley!--I could not have believed it. Knightley!--never seen him in her life before, and call him Knightley!--and discover that he is a gentleman! A little upstart, vulgar being, with her Mr. E., and her caro sposo, and her resources, and all her airs of pert pretension and underbred finery."
[Chapter 32, Emma, by Jane Austen]

Using Titles as a form of address

"...her son was going on to repeat what Mordicai had said to him, but Lady Clonbrony interrupted-- "Oh, my dear Colambre! don't repeat that detestable man's impertinent speeches to me. If there is anything really about business, speak to your father. At any rate, don't tell us of it now, because I've a hundred things to do," said her ladyship, hurrying out of the room."
[Chapter 5, The Absentee, by Maria Edgeworth]

Where an heir to a peerage bore a courtesy title, like Lord Colambre in The Absentee, that Title would be used in place of a first name, by parents, siblings or cousins, or a surname by friends.

The Duchess of Devonshire's son William bore the courtesy title Marquess of Hartington from birth. As a child, his siblings would have never called him William. He would have been addressed by everyone in the family as Hartington. Being a long name, it's not surprising that his mother shortened this to the diminutive "Hart".

Among peers who have come into their titles, those titles were also used as other men used surnames. In this third-party report of a conversation, Lord Worcester is talking about his friend, the Duke of Leinster:

"If Leinster were not my friend, said Worcester to a gentleman, who afterwards repeated it to me, pointing to Leinster, and myself, as we stood in the round room, waiting for his grace's carriage—if that young man were not my friend, I would make him walk over my dead body, before he should take Harriette out of this house."
[Memoirs, vol 2, by Harriette Wilson]

There are fewer written examples of this kind of address, as private conversations between friends were rarely written down, but here is another, recorded by Harriette Wilson, which shows Thomas Sheridan, son of Richard Brinsley Sheridan, talking about the Marquess of Lorne and the Duke of Argyle:

"I am come from my friend, Lorne, said Tom Sheridan. I would not have intruded on you; but that poor fellow he is really annoyed, and he has commissioned me to acquaint you with the accident, which obliged him to break his appointment; because I can best vouch for the truth of it, having, upon my honor, heard the Prince of Wales invite Lord Lorne to Carlton House, with my own ears, at the very moment when he was about to meet you in Somers-town. ... I asked Argyle, Tom Sheridan proceeded, how he had addressed his last letters to you? To the post office in Somers-town, was his answer, and thence they were forwarded to Harriette."
[Memoirs, vol 1, by Harriette Wilson]

[Image: An illustration by Hugh Tomson, from Emma, pub. 1896, illustrating chapter 7: "At this moment, perhaps, Mr. Elton is showing your picture to his mother and sisters, telling how much more beautiful is the original, and after being asked for it five or six times, allowing them to hear your name, your own dear name."]