New Dawn

Mare

Eve stays until Cal knocks on the door. She squeezes my arm and smiles, before exiting through the old servants tunnel in the back of the room. I am glad she did not leave me alone.

I approach the door and take a deep breathe, a million thoughts running through my head, doubts about if I'm meant to be with him, or if he even wants to be with me. I force myself to open the door.

And there he stands, broad shouldered and tall, filling the door frame. I am greeted first by his usual heat, well a little hotter than normal actually. He's as nervous as I am! I feel badly about being so pleased at that. But it's reassuring to know. I let out a small sigh before taking a big breath. He's wearing cologne. And I step out of the doorway, letting him enter my room. 

I did not think this part through. Where do we sit? How do I start? 

Luckily he makes those decisions for me, taking a seat on the side of the bed, his feet resting on the floor. I take the seat next to him, anxiously running my fingers through my hair. I can't meet his eyes. I do not want to disappoint him. I do not want to have to say these words that make me feel so much shame. I know they should not, but they do. I open my mouth to say something but he begins to speak before words escape my lips.

"I-I know what I want" he says. "Now more than ever, after our time apart. I learned things about myself, I figured out who I am now, and what matters to me." 

He takes my hands ever so gently, and I lift my eyes to meet his.

"I want you Mare." he says, his eyes shining as he meets mine "I have come to realize that you are all I have ever wanted. I want to be with you now, and always because.." he pauses and takes a breathe. 

I know what is coming. These words that I feel as much if not more. Words that once he says will make my news all the more difficult to deliver.

And so I cut him off brashly before he can finish.

"Cal I have to tell you something"

It comes out as more of a yell than I mean it too. I see his eyes widen slightly, searching my own which have begun to pool with tears. 

"I-I have to tell you something" I repeat, quietly and shakily this time. I almost wish I was still yelling.

He looks at me again, questioning, squeezing my cold hands gently in his. I can feel the temperature climb, but I still shiver.

"I can't have kids." I manage to choke out, a single tear slipping down my cheek, soon followed by another, and another. 

More than anything I want to look away from his large bronze eyes, to not have to see his reaction, but I know it is something I have to see. 

He pauses for a moment, I can see his eyes widen slightly and his brow furrow. He assumes a slightly gruffer tone.

"What do you mean?"

I know he does not mean it harshly, I can see in his eyes how bewildered he is, but I cannot stop myself from breathing out a small sob.

"I-I can't have children." I pause before telling him what had happened. "Last year I thought I was pregnant" I say, searching his eyes for some reaction. 

But Cal is smart, he knows I am upset and has assumed his princely trained face of focus that even I cannot pierce. My only indicator that he even heard me was the slowly rising temperature. I continue.

"I went to see Sara, to-to figure out what to do. You had just left with Anabel and I didn't know what to do. B-but she told me that I, that whatever he did to me with that device..." I paused for a moment in an attempt to even my breathing and control my still flowing tears. "The prolonged exposure I had stopped, well whatever is supposed to go on inside of me. And, well, she doesn't think there's any chance I could ever have a biological child." 

I stare into his piercing bronze eyes, searching, searching for his reaction. But to my surprise his facade is gone, and I can see by the shine of tears and the pull at the corner of his lip that he is holding back tears.

He will not want you like this. Not broken the way that you are.

I am caught off guard by his embrace. It is tight and firm, him pulling me into his chest, feeling me in his arms as I feel him let out a quiet sob. His tears are hot against my neck. After a moment he pulls away, his black curls flopping into his eyes. He pushes them away and wipes his eyes. He takes a moment to collect himself and then takes my hands, more urgently this time.

"Mare.." he says, looking deep into my eyes "I am in love with you." 

I look away and feel the tears begin to fall again, not wanting to meet his eyes. But...

"I have been in love with you since we stole those dance lessons late at night in the ballroom down the hall. I was in love with you when you betrayed me" he pauses "and I was in love with you when I betrayed you. The only difference is that now I know what I want. Back then I didn't. Back then I was consumed by my desperate need to make my father proud and live the life I'd been born for.." he pauses "I let my devotion to a dead man get in the way of mine to you. It is a mistake I will not make again."

He gently cups my face in his hands, forcing me to meet his eyes. 

"Mare Barrow I am very much in love with you, and I want to be with you, for real. To finally and truly be with you." 

He gently wipes a tear from my cheek, offering me the smallest of smiles.

"But what about the future?" I ask "What about one day if you want to have a family? I won't be able to give it to you"

He shakes his head. "Mare you are all the family that I want. And if one day, a family is something that we  want, there are options." he smiles bigger than before "Mare, I want a future with you, and I want it to start today." 

And through all of my doubts, my constant anxieties that I cannot trust anyone, I believe him. Anyone can betray anyone. The words echo in my ears but I shove them to the side. I rest my hands on his which are still cupping my face. 

"And I with you." I say. "Cal I am in love with you which is why I don't want to tie you to me, to stop you from having the family you want-"

He stops me, "Mare, I said it before. You are the family I want. I do one day want children but I never once cared if they were my own."

He leans in towards me. "Mare I need you to know right now that you are not broken." his words pierce me, making me feel vulnerable. He knew what I was thinking. "You are the most powerful, strong, beautiful woman I know, and there isn't a thing wrong with you." He stares into my eyes, peering seemingly into my soul with his gaze. 

I sniffle, suddenly feeling very self conscious. I move my hands up to his face and brush a curl from his eyes, twisting it gently between my fingers. 

"Promise you aren't just being chivalrous?" I ask. "Because if I find out that's the case I will electrocute you."

"I would be shocked if you didn't" he said, a sly crooked grin flashing across his face.

I cannot help but laugh, tears still falling down my cheeks.

"Really Cal? such an awful pun at a time like this?"

He responds with his lips on mine, his grin colliding with my own. I run my fingers through his hair as his hands move to my waist pulling me in close to him. I too pull his face into my own, wanting him as close as I can get him. 

I lay back in the bed, pulling him on top of me as our kiss continues. Suddenly after a moment he pulls away.

"Hang on wait, we did decide on being together right? Like at least for the next six months until-"

I cut him off with a laugh, "Yes Cal. We are officially together."

He grins and bites his lip, "score!" he says. 

I can't help but laugh. 

"You are ridiculous"

"Ridiculously in love with you." He smirks and I find myself grinning like a fool once again. 

As the night continues I try to push my thoughts out, out of my head. He chose you! Once and for all he chose you and you chose him and nothing is standing in your way! Enjoy it, Mare. 

And so I try my best to do just that. It is not difficult.